‘I still celebrate getting out the door every day’

When Sheehy failed to fly home from Scotland for Christmas 2010, his sister knew something was wrong. “She came to Edinburgh, saw my situation and requested that I return to her home,” he says.

“At that point I hadn’t left the house except at night when I knew there was no one around. Isolation was a big part of my story. Edinburgh doesn’t have a river, but it does have canals. , I actually started walking along the canal. [suicidal] Come up with ideas. ”

When Sheehy presented to mental health services in Cork, a psychiatrist took his medical history and determined that he was suffering from bipolar II disorder, which alternates between periods of depression and hypomania. This confirmed my sister’s suspicions.

Sheehy describes his hypomania as an “abnormal” elevation of mood, accompanied by insomnia, agitation, and heightened awareness of external stimuli. This experience usually lasts about a week.

“There was a day during one of my hypomanic episodes when I thought I was incredibly creative. “I was watching the buildings go by,” he says.

A manic episode is followed by a depressive episode, which tends to last for weeks or even months. I realize I did something stupid and that seems to be causing a downward spiral into depression. Then, it slowly crawls out of the hole again. ”

After being diagnosed, another five years passed before a “severe deterioration” forced him to change the way he managed his mood. His turning point came when he was working on a film as a freelance videographer, pushing himself beyond his capacity.

“I think I just lacked the life skills to say, ‘This is too much.’ And then, to my shame, I had to have my dad call me and say, ‘I’m not feeling well.’ I kept going until I couldn’t. He can’t do that.’

“At that point I had settled in Tralee and made a deal with a psychiatric nurse that if they met me halfway, I would meet them halfway.”

From Sheehy’s perspective, this agreement with the mental health team marked the beginning of an effort to “take responsibility” for his life.

Deliberately shifting his focus away from everything that was wrong with the “big picture,” he began focusing on the “small parts” that remained within his control. For the 47-year-old IT engineer, these tiny little pieces are a series of “small agreements” he keeps making with himself.

“It started with making a contract with myself to keep myself clean, wash my clothes, keep my living space organized, eat well, and maintain steady employment. It all started with my life. I think it’s great that it’s permeated and become a habit.”

Sheehy is clear that there is no “silver bullet” for bipolar disorder and that managing your mood requires “consistent effort.” But these small daily habits give him a sense of structure and stability, and act as physical checkpoints that let him know when he’s entering a depressive or hypomanic episode.

Making music has a similar purpose, allowing you to chart your mood. I prefer to use music and photography as a kind of visual and auditory diary.

“I monitor my mood based on things like what I eat. If I’m eating well, I know I’m okay. But if I’m self-isolating and doing all the takeaways, I’m starting to spiral into depression. I know, it’s like a cycle of self-actualization, and I’m isolated. be Negative moods can affect those around you, but in the end you become absorbed in your own thoughts,” he says.

“As strange as it may sound, I still celebrate being able to leave the house every day. For me, stepping out the door means that no matter what else happens, I still celebrate being able to leave the house every day. It means I was able to do it and prevent the spiral of hating myself.”

For Sheehy, engagement with mental health services, his doctor, and counselors were essential to managing and shortening the duration of his recurring symptoms. Talk therapy and appropriate medication served as the “foundation” of his mood management.

“I know people who are suffering and don’t even want to accept the idea of ​​taking medication,” he says. “But if your body chemistry is out of alignment, it may be important to get it right before resorting to mindfulness or other tools.”

He has also benefited from Aware’s Living with Bipolar program and its support group, which emphasizes the power of being among others facing similar challenges.

“I’m stubborn, so sometimes I’m like, ‘Don’t tell me what to do,'” he admits. “But when you talk to someone you can empathize with and can give you an example of how they overcame a problem, it’s much more meaningful than advice you receive from someone who doesn’t have the same life experience.”

Sheehy says that for people who tend to self-isolate when depressed, being among others can bring an unexpected sense of relief, allowing them to take off their “social mask,” even if it’s uncomfortable at first. .

“Group work with the right people allows you to be yourself in a crowd, but this is rare,” he says.

• This Saturday is World Bipolar Day. mental health charitiesshares lived experience perspectives, clinical expertise, and free educational programs for people diagnosed with bipolar disorder and those supporting loved ones under the global theme #BipolarTogether. Masu.