Center for Life Experience reorganizes and reopens support groups
Christina Janney
Hayes Post
Alan Scheuerman has spent years dealing with the death of his 2-year-old son who died of spondylococcal meningitis.
“I was angry, but mostly at myself,” he said. “As a husband and a father, I felt responsible for her child. It was my fault that she died of this disease.
“It took me years to get over it. It took me ten years to stop hating myself,” he said. It took me another 30 years to understand that I could not change
His wife of nearly 38 years died of cancer in 2008. she was 55 years old.
Two weeks after his wife died, he joined the Center for Life Experience Support Group.
“I didn’t want to go through the first decade, so I looked for them,” he said. “It was a godsend for me. I was so grateful.”
For the first three months, Scheuerman could not find the words to speak of his loss.
“Every time I wanted to talk, I started crying,” he said. “On the way home I cursed myself for not being able to speak, but every month the time came and I attended that meeting.”
Today Scheuerman serves on the Board of Directors of the Center of Life Experience.
The life experience center, which had been temporarily closed due to the resignation of the managing director, has reorganized the support group and reopened.
This group offers three grief support groups. They are Healing After Loss, a general grief support group. Healing Hearts, which aims to help grieving parents for their children, and Healing After Loss of Suicide, for those who have lost friends and family to suicide.
All groups will meet at Oak Park Plaza, 103 E. 27th, Ste. C, Hayes.
• Healing After Loss is held on the third Tuesday of each month at 6:30 PM.
• Healing Hearts is held on the 2nd Thursday of each month at 6:30 PM.
• Healing After Loss of Suicide takes place on the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays of each month at 6:30 PM.
The Center for Life Experience is a non-profit organization and all grief support groups are free and confidential.
The group had a board member who was responsible for both the business side of the nonprofit and the group’s facilitator.
The group decided to reorganize after the last board member resigned in December. The board is looking for a board member to cover the business side of the nonprofit and will engage a trained facilitator to work with the three grief support groups.
“We have a lot of work, too much for one person,” said Scheuerman, the group’s treasurer. “The person in charge of fundraising and making sure everything meets everyone’s needs doesn’t have the ability to keep up and the ability to know what’s going on with each group and group member. There is no
The group lost members during the pandemic. Most of the members wanted to meet in person, but sometimes that was not possible.
Scheuerman says the group has attracted a lot of participation since it reopened in March. Attendees came from northwest Kansas. A woman came to a recent group from Colby.
“I’m so grateful that we were able to help her. That’s all. We try to help each other,” he said.
Scheuerman says that when you lose someone close to you, you often have a hard time dealing with the loss emotionally.
Everyone loses differently and reacts differently to those losses. But having the opportunity to visit someone else who has suffered a similar loss makes it easier to develop a relationship with them, Scheuerman said.
“I think when you lose someone close to you for the first time, you go into a fog and have serious issues with how you deal with your day to day,” he said.
“You can lose children, parents, spouses, brothers, sisters, grandparents. They are the people you depended on physically, mentally and spiritually, so you can create such problems. No. You were once.”
Scheuerman has found that the group itself can help.
“Today’s society says that in three days you should be cured,” he said. “You lost a child. You lost your parents. You lost your spouse. They give you three days of leave for your loss. and you are supposed to finish it.
“It doesn’t. You never get over it. You learn to accept it and deal with it, but you never get over it.”
Scheuerman continues to participate in both Healing After Loss and Healing Hearts.
“I feel like I learn something every time I go to a conference,” he said. “I hope I can help give some hope to other members of that group. I want to give back what was given to me.”
Doreen Timken, a widowed child and spouse, said the first thing she loses when a loved one dies is hope.
Thirty years after losing his 19-year-old daughter to cancer, Timken still grieves when he hears songs and watches his mother do Christmas shopping with her daughter.
“My hope was to rebuild my life to honor her,” said Timken. had to be strong.”
Years later, after coming to Healing Hearts, she realized she hadn’t dealt with her daughter’s death.
She lost her husband in 2007.
“I lost half my family. It was just my son and I. You have lost the whole core of your family,” she said. “
According to Timken, everyone is affected by death, but if you have the resources, you’re much better off.
“You can try to understand, but you can’t really understand unless you go through that gut pain and then get out,” Timken said.
A longtime member of the HALOS group said losing a loved one to suicide is different from other types of grief. She didn’t want to reveal her identity.
Guilt can last for years. Some of the people she met when the group started in 2009 lost her loved ones to suicide years ago and never talked about it because of the shame and stigma that comes with death.
Loved ones were able to tell their stories without being judged.
“It gave me hope that I could get through this because I never thought it would,” she said.
She said she had suicidal thoughts after her son committed suicide.
“It becomes like family, a group of people. You build friendships with other people and they are very lasting,” she said.
She admitted that taking the first steps to join the first support group was difficult, but said she knew she needed more help.
The Center for Life Experience is one of the few locations in Northwest Kansas that offers grief support groups.
Those interested in donating to the Center For Life Experience can do so online at the group’s website. www.cfulhope.org or a group of Facebook page.
Checks can be sent to CFLE, 203 CE 27th, Hays, KS 67601.
For more information about the group, please contact Scheuerman by calling 785-259-6859.
