Editor’s Note: This story describes suicide. If you have suicidal thoughts or know someone who needs help, 988 Lifelines of Suicide and Crisis is a suicide prevention network of more than 200 U.S.-based crisis centers that provide 24/7 service through a 9-8-8 toll-free hotline. It is available to anyone who is in suicidal or emotional distress.
Not all depression looks the same. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’ve been depressed for a long time, and others go to great lengths to appear okay to the outside world. People who have functional depression but who go to work, spend time with friends, and seem to enjoy life may not appear depressed to those closest to them.
This kind of masking is done for a variety of reasons, but often it’s because you don’t want to cause worry to other people. But this can mean that suicidal thoughts go unnoticed by loved ones. When people seem happy or seem to be coping with everything well, other people are much less likely to check them out.
When Bree Johnson uploaded a video with the words, “You’ll always know when someone is about to commit suicide,” the happy videos and photos that followed contrasted with the reality of her suicide attempt.
Johnson, an Air Force sergeant and mother of one, posted a short video in March with the caption, “Check in with your loved ones. It’s not always obvious.” This is a sentiment that has been expressed repeatedly in widely shared graphics that encourage people to check in on their good friends. The feeling is that even though people seem to be coping well, there is no one to check to see if they are actually coping well. it’s okay.
Johnson’s video is a stark reminder that not all smiles convey joy. Sometimes a smile or a laugh is just a mask. So how can one know that one is really suffering when all is well on the surface?
Check the safety of your loved ones. It’s not always obvious #fyp #SeeHerGreatness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #recovery #survivor #awareness #love #miltok #foryou
Knowing when to contact can be difficult, Subtle signs that are often overlooked. Social media posts can vary in subtle ways, such as asking for prayers widely and frequently if you are not in the habit of praying. Some people post sad memes or memes that border on Black his humor when it’s out of the ordinary. Attention to alcohol and drug intake may be lacking.
usually sociable person Canceling plans more often more than usual. They make jokes about death and suicide when it’s not a normal conversation for them. A distressed friend may ask you about your final plans so that they can bring up their own plans without raising alarms.
These are all things that can easily be overlooked if you don’t know what to look for. But one of the best indicators you need to reach out for, no matter how subtle, is change that makes you ask the question, “What’s going on with them?” We often ignore the little alarm bells ringing in our stomachs in favor of bigger, bigger alarm bells. Small reminders are equally important. Well, how do you reach out?
A few years ago, I noticed a subtle shift in a friend’s social media status, which set off my little alarm. After waiting about a week to see if things would return to normal, I got in touch. I had never spoken to this person outside of the comments section of our online running community, so I wasn’t sure how she would react. However, I sent a message with the following content: “Just wanted to check. I’ve noticed a change in your post. I want you to know that I’m here if you want to talk.”
They replied that they were wrestling with something pretty big that no one knew about. We talked for hours on the phone and I mostly listened. About a year later, they thanked me for meeting with me when they felt like no one else would.
Reaching out doesn’t have to be complicated, so don’t overthink it. In many cases, all you need to do is genuinely ask how someone is doing and let them know you want real answers, not superficial answers. And don’t judge, just listen without giving unsolicited advice or commentary. Ask what you need and follow it. Relationships help a lot as well as reminding us that we are important.
This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, a licensed clinical social worker and practicing therapist.
