Woman shares her therapist’s surprisingly helpful mental health tip: ‘Run the dishwasher twice’

“Run the dishwasher twice” may seem like strange mental health advice, but one post proves it can actually be extremely helpful.

Danielle Wanker, a licensed professional counselor and supervisor, shared an inspiring story for people struggling with mental health issues on her Facebook page. The story originally appeared on Answer from Katie Scott on Quora In response to the question, “Have your therapist ever said something completely unexpected to you?”

It says there:

“At the lowest emotional point of my life, there were some days when I couldn’t get out of bed, I had no energy, no motivation to get by.

I was in therapy once a week, but this week I didn’t have much to “bring” to the session. He asked how my week was going, and I didn’t really have anything to say.

“What is bothering you?” he asked.

“You never know, it’s life,” I said, gesturing around me.

Not satisfied with my answer, he said, “Well, what exactly are you worried about?” Right now• What feels overwhelming? What issues will be staring you in the face when you go home after this session?’

Man sitting on chair covering his eyes

Photo credit Christopher Lemercier On Unsplash

I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to say it because it was so stupid. I wanted an answer with more substance.
Something deeper.

But I didn’t.

So I told him, “Honestly, washing dishes. I know it’s silly, but the more I look at dishes, the less I can do them, because I have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher. Dishwashers are awful, and there’s no way I could stand up and scrub dishes.”

I felt stupid even saying it.

What kind of grown woman is ruined by a pile of plates? There are people out there who have actual problems, and I’m the one complaining to my therapist about plates?

But he nodded in understanding and said, “Yes, I understand.

“Please run the dishwasher twice.”

File:Dishwasher and dishes.JPG – Wikimedia CommonsCommons

I was about to tell him not to do that, but he stopped me.

“Why shouldn’t you? If you don’t want to do the dishes and your dishwasher doesn’t work, just run it twice. No one will mind if you run it three times! There are no rules.”

It surprised me in ways I can’t describe.

That day, I got home, randomly tossed the stinky dishes into the dishwasher, and ran it three times.

I felt like I had slayed a dragon.

The next day I took a shower lying down.

A few days later, I folded the laundry and put it wherever it would fit.

There were no longer any arbitrary rules to follow and I was given the freedom to achieve results again.

Now that I’m healthy, I rinse my dishes properly and put them in the dishwasher, I shower standing up, and I sort my laundry.

But in those days when life was a struggle rather than a blessing, I learned a very important lesson.

There are no rules.

Please run the dishwasher twice.”

Anyone who has ever found themselves in a mental or emotional situation that made even the most basic daily tasks seem insurmountable will understand the wisdom of this lesson. Washing the dishes may seem like a small thing in life, but it’s these little things that can push you over the edge. You may not need this lesson if you’ve never stared at a basket of laundry that took three minutes to fold and thought, “No. I can’t do it. Not now. Maybe never…” But there are millions of people who would appreciate clear permission to let go of the mental rules they have about how things should be done.

Adjusting your expectations and dogmatic ideas about how things work can be incredibly liberating and provide a temporary solution to a seemingly insurmountable problem. But oddly enough, that temporary solution can be the necessary bridge that gets you from being unable to cope with everyday life to functioning at a somewhat normal level.

Managing our mental health can be incredibly difficult, and many of the tools we have to manage it are the opposite of what we expect. Therapists are there to give us permission to step outside of our own brains, adjust our thoughts and behaviors to unlock our own potential, and reject the negative voices in our heads that try to trap us in unhelpful or unhealthy patterns.

Even if that unhelpful pattern is something as simple as stacking dishes instead of running the dishwasher twice.

This article was published on November 20, 2020