What Is A ‘Communal Narcissist’?

Imagine a narcissist (or simply looking back at those you’ve met), and you’ll think of people who are arrogant and self-monitoring about personal success and excellent skills. They are openly qualified and make it clear that they believe they deserve the best.

But narcissism can also manifest in other ways, and even people who do good things for others and the entire community. In fact, there is a term for them: joint narcissism.

What is joint narcissism? And how should we identify and interact with the co-narcissists we encounter? Below, the experts break it down.

“Co-narcissism is a subtype of narcissism in which individuals are deeply involved in the community but lacks true care for others.” Hannah Alderetea licensed mental health counselor,Free from a narcissistic motherHe told HuffPost.

Most people associate narcissism with a grand self-view. Essentially, people who give the impression that they are the smartest, most talented, most successful, most important, and generally the best person in any room. But community narcissists may instead focus this grandeur on their impact on their community. There is a perception that they are the most caring person, the best helper, the best neighbor, the best problem solver, and so on.

“The idea of ​​joint narcissism comes from the social psychology literature from a man named Joshen Gebauer,” said a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and an expert on narcissism. W. Key Canbell. “It’s a form of sorts of moral narcissism – “I’m the most moral” – it’s not socially toxic. It is a belief system of moral superiority, a kind of haughty superiority based on what you consider kindness – but it is not kind.

Gebauer’s published writing Regarding community narcissists, note that they are ultimately still motivated by power and respect, but meet their self-growing needs through prosocial indicators. “I’m very reliable.” “I’m a best friend that someone can have.” “In the future I’ll be famous for solving world problems.”

“Co-narcissists are very involved in philanthropy, nonprofits and volunteer opportunities,” Cole said. “They are the philanthropists, humanists and do people around the world. These activities are good, but the co-narcissists are not giving these causes any effort to do good.”

She added that co-narcissists may be very involved in certain groups and causes and may look like “saints” in the outside world. They are praised for their good deeds and give them assertions they expect to receive when they devote their time and effort to a positive cause.

Therefore, community narcissists tend to seek opportunities for the audience to do good that involves the audience to praise.

“Co-narcissism is more secret in nature and centers around the narcissist’s desire to be recognized as a ‘good Samaritan’.” Marie Line JarmainProfessor of Human Resources and Leadership at Western Carolina University,Narcissism in the workplace: Personality disorders in corporate leaders. ”

“Examples include volunteering at pet shelters and providing food in the pantry for the homeless,” she explained. “Though these actions seem altruistic, their underlying motivations are often considered selfish and extremely kind, generous or morally superior.”

The energy they spend on others actually cultivates the need for narcissistic ego and awareness. Their good deeds contribute to their sense of qualifications, and that they deserve attention and praise of their community.

“Co-narcissists tend to be very two-sided,” Cole said. This is challenging for those who have to face them both in general and in more personal contexts.

“In a legal setting, co-narcissists can present curated images as “model parents” or excellent community members, citing volunteer work, religious engagement, or public admiration. On the other hand, they may personally interfere with other parents’ relationships with their children or manipulate the story to maintain control.” Tina Swittinauthor of “Divorce with a Narcissist: A Battle for a One Mother.”

It often has a much darker side as it lurks under a humane front and a public “do-gooder” persona.

“In locked rooms, especially in the back of their own family, they can be emotionally negligent or even abusive,” Alderete said.

Therefore, co-narcissists and intimate people may doubt their negative experiences.

“The problem with this is when you live or deal with someone who has joint narcissism, you’re questioning it,” he said with the therapist. “Disarm the narcissist” author Wendy Berry. “‘It has to be me, because they’re so liked, so loved, and doing great things in the community.” But then there’s this guy who goes back home and basically drops performance modes and is very entitled and can be despicable, demanding, devaluing, defensive. ”

She explained that, like other types of narcissists, co-narcissists exhibit classical traits such as empathy, low emotional support, low connection, denial of behavior such as cheating, lies, and betrayal.

“They are really good at creating a sense of awareness in this community and then being able to relax in a very hostile state at home,” added Behary.

“The tricky thing about dealing with community narcissists is that they probably have the best reputation of all types of narcissism,” Cole said. “They are looking for a validation of their good deeds, so they are tirelessly invested in creating selfless and altruistic images of the world.”

If you are interacting with a co-narcissist in the workplace or in any type of system, she recommended getting everything in writing.

“They will accuse you of throwing you under the bus, stealing your ideas, and not following the task if they think it will benefit them,” Cole said. “Release from the gaslight or trigger of a conversation. Leave can appear to use bland responses – “Sure!” “OK, thank you” or “That’s an interesting idea,” or use only nonverbal communication such as nodding, facial expressions, eye contact. ”

She focused on the facts of the conversation and recommended that she refused to be distracted by food and emotionally evoked statements. Protect your psychological and professional happiness.

“Shift the conversation to a narcissist,” Cole advised. “This is especially important when you can say they’re starting to try to get into your personal life or that they’re fishing to use something against you. You can do this by complementing them – it was a really great presentation. You know how to give a really effective presentation.

Alderete noted that many cult leaders fit the type of community narcissism. Because they use charm and charisma to position themselves as spiritual or moral authority.

“They may promise enlightenment or personal growth, but ultimately they need to increase unquestionable dedication and sacrifice from those around them,” she explained. “But not every community narcissist reaches this extreme. Even in everyday interactions, it is essential to maintain emotional distance, keep an eye on manipulation tactics and take what they say with a grain of salt.”

Maintaining boundaries and distance is especially important… whilst maintaining careful eyes. Educate yourself about the different forms of narcissism and how they manifest.

“Beware of the disconnect between public image and private behavior,” Switin said. “In hostile environments, they may weaponize their reputation, so protect your truth with documentation and reliability. Use facts rather than emotions to emphasize contradictions.”

Avoid being with us. This is because it can lead to situations that are what you say. Always try to interact with them in front of trusted friends and neutral third parties.

“That’s when you have no witnesses and no written letters,” Cole said. “And for a narcissist, if you can’t prove it, it didn’t happen. And even if you can prove it, they still denies it, but at least you could have a reasonable person believes in you.”