Rappler’s Life and Style section features advice columns from husband and wife Jeremy Baer and clinical psychologist Dr. Margarita Holmes.
Jeremy holds a Master of Laws from the University of Oxford. A banker who has worked for 37 years on three continents, he has spent the past 10 years training with Dr. Holmes as a co-instructor and sometimes co-therapist, especially with clients for whom financial concerns have entered their daily lives. I have received.
They wrote two books together. Love triangles: Understanding the psychology of machos and mistresses and Imported love: Philippine and foreign actors.
Dear Dr. Holmes and Mr. Bear,
I am 33 years old and have been working as a manager in Indonesia for the past 5 years since 2018 when I became a widow.
My concerns started 3 years ago and have gotten worse and worse. Sometimes I feel hopeless.
I don’t want to talk to anyone when I feel this way. I have no appetite and often feel very tired for no particular reason (such as when I just woke up in the morning).
But even in this sadness, there are times when I want to have sex. Even if you don’t have a big problem, it’s easy to get angry when someone says something you don’t like. I sometimes think about suicide. I feel all these things when I’m working. Is this a factor in my working conditions?
I have a boyfriend who I can trust just like you. But we can’t get married because his previous marriage hasn’t been annulled yet. My only dream in life is to get married. Could this be the reason for my feelings?
One last thing: even though I had a boyfriend, I had relationships with men. It happened when I went to the Philippines on vacation. When this guy found out I had a boyfriend, he hit the roof. I broke up with him because I wasn’t sure if I loved him. Our short stay in the Philippines was just fun.
I asked my Indonesian boyfriend to forgive me because I love him very much and he forgave me.
The very reason I did this was frustration that we weren’t married yet. When I’m happy, I’m so happy that I want to scream from happiness! After doing some research, I believe these are symptoms of bipolar disorder.
Please advise: Is this bipolar disorder simply a result of my fatigue, the disappointment of not being able to get married, and the frantic arguments I had with my boyfriend over his relationship with another man in the Philippines?
How can I avoid the depression that paralyzes me? Please give me some advice so that I can regain my boyfriend’s trust in me like he used to trust me.
Thank you very much,
patricia
Dear Patricia
Thank you for your e-mail.
Your description of your mental state certainly suggests that you are suffering from depression (euphoria, even extreme, is not an indicator of bipolar disorder). It is clear that the depression started 3 years ago for him, so we need to investigate the cause of the depression. recovery process. Treatment or medication may be appropriate.
You think that the cause of your depression is your inability to get married, but this is a situation that you cannot directly influence because it depends on your boyfriend breaking off the engagement. Perhaps you should consider why marriage itself is so important to you. What does your current relationship with your boyfriend add to your life that is missing? What does this piece of paper represent that you miss so much that it causes depression?
It may also be helpful to analyze why you got into such a relationship during your vacation. Is it because she is not convinced that her boyfriend will break off the engagement, or is there something missing? In that case, perhaps marriage might not be such a good idea, at least for him.
To regain his trust, you need to identify the reason for the infidelity and convince him that he will never tolerate it again. Of course, to do this, you must first convince yourself, but depending on whether the real reason is at the heart of your relationship, problems can arise.
all the best,
JAF bear
Dear Patricia:
Thank you for your letter. It would be unethical to diagnose you based on this one letter you wrote him. But since you write so clearly about your experiences and feelings, I’d hazard a guess, but it’s possible that actually seeing a mental health professional who can diagnose you more accurately might be helpful. This can be confirmed (or denied). Just because they can engage with you longer. And something deeper.
My guess is that yes, you probably have bipolar disorder. Your description of how low your lows are and how high your highs are is classic and familiar to anyone with manic depression.
Even though she loved her boyfriend in Indonesia, she had an affair with him while she was in the Philippines, which seems like something a person with bipolar disorder would do when in a hypomanic state. Hypomania usually appears to be fun (and, sadly, often Ha!) Encourage them to have fun and do it as a result. But reality can strike brutally when it becomes impossible to ignore.
But there’s good news, especially for letter writers like you. Most importantly, “Is this bipolar disorder?” This means that while you fear becoming mentally ill (we all fear it) and wish you weren’t (we all do), you are more open to the possibility that you might become mentally ill. It shows that. This also means you won’t be so hesitant about taking medications (99.99% likely) or making lifestyle changes (also 99.99% likely).
Dear Patricia, this is the best news I can ever give you. However, if you would like to ask specific questions about specific solutions to the problems that inevitably arise due to having bipolar disorder, please write to us again. You’ll get “been there (and still are)” suggestions. From me on “Probably Happened (Or Worse)” and from my husband and co-columnist Jeremy Baer on “How to best live if someone you love has bipolar disorder.”
all the best,
MG Homes
– Rappler.com
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