I talk a lot about fear. Fear appeals to me because of its power.
We usually think of people experiencing fear when they are faced with something dangerous, and that is the power of fear. You don't have to actually be in danger for your nervous system to act as if it is.
What you need to know about fear:
- Your heart is more powerful than fear.
- Everything you fear turns out to be worse in your imagination than it is in reality.
- We tend to focus on what's missing and what's not working.
- Human beings are naturally more pessimistic than optimistic.
This is the result of Amos Tversky's “Loss Aversion Bias” This is a natural cognitive bias that serves the great purpose of keeping us safe and alive, but it can also result in debilitating fear, anxiety, and fear.
What is really scary?
All your fear comes back to vulnerability. Don't be afraid of pain. you are not afraid of dying. You fear what you cannot control.
This is why people fear public speaking more than death.
The speaker is completely vulnerable and has no control over the audience's reaction. Maybe they think you're good. They'll probably think you're stupid. Normally you wouldn't care what they think, but you are open to their judgment. What you are really afraid of is exploitation of this vulnerability.
Your physical fear is based on this concept.
No matter how tough you are, your biggest fear about death is related to facing something inevitable that won't end soon. It's not burning, drowning, spiders, snakes, or heights that scare you.
It's being faced with something that exposes your human vulnerability in a way that shows how powerless you really are.
You are not afraid of public speaking. You are not afraid of death. I'm not afraid to talk to strangers or ask someone out on a date. What you're really afraid of is being vulnerable.
You fear this because your weakness reminds you of how worthless you are in the grand scheme of things. Logically, we understand that rejection is meaningless, humiliation is temporary, people's opinions are not important and must die.
You instinctively fear that your worth is too low and that what others think of you is important. You are afraid that your life is so fragile that it will disappear because of other people's opinions.
The only way to free yourself from fear
The only way to free yourself from fear is to accept that you are weak.
You can become stronger just by recognizing that. Once you accept that you care about what others think and that your life can end at any time, you will be able to recognize your fears for what they really are. Fear is just a way to reinforce a false wall of safety.
You are worried that your personal safety wall is not as high or strong as you think. Avoid testing the wall rather than systematically testing its structure so that you can find weaknesses and strengthen them.
You probably know the probability of dying in a plane crash. Instead of exposing your own personal security wall to test this fact, avoid flying. Instead of learning to thrive in your weaknesses, you hide behind walls and expect them to protect you when the world judges you.
Your walls aren't perfect. you will be tested. If you are not prepared, you will fail.
3 tips for facing fear
1. Accept human weakness.
Don't hide it. Accept your weaknesses.
Recognize that your own walls are at best useless and at worst debilitating. You can never completely get rid of the fear of feeling vulnerable, worthless, and powerless. It can only be mitigated and managed.
This process cannot begin until you admit your weaknesses. Only when you admit that you have a flaw can you fix it.
Although it is impossible to completely eliminate fear, it is possible to reduce it to a manageable level.
There are only two paths to this destination: preparation and familiarity.
2. Have the power to prepare yourself.
I once had a sports psychologist evaluate me and found that I was less anxious during a boxing match than before the match. My explanation was that I overprepared to minimize uncertainty. I do have doubts, but my preparation makes up for it.
Fear is a sign that you need to prepare for something.
It's like an exam. If you study and know the material, you will feel much less anxious than if you didn't. Preparation means different things for each event, but the idea is the same: developing the skills needed for the task. The more prepared you are, the less fear you will experience.
3. Know your enemy.
Familiarity is another way to reduce fear. When you do something over and over again and survive and learn from the mistakes you make along the way, you become less anxious about doing it.
Continuing with the exam analogy, this is why the most valuable practice tests are copies of your professor's old exams. This allows you to become familiar with his testing style without incurring the penalty of making mistakes.
That's why simulators are great training. This is why sparring is so valuable to boxing. The two feed each other.
The more prepared you are, the more intimate you will be, and vice versa. I feel most prepared when I know a lot about an upcoming event. This reduces uncertainty. That's the part we're afraid of. We are being forced to overcome challenges in real time that we have never faced before.
This is a scary message. There is uncertainty on the horizon and you need to prepare for it to avoid harming your body, mind, reputation and spirit. If you heed those cues, you can overcome your fear.
ed lattimore is a former American professional boxer, influencer, and best-selling author. His work focuses on self-improvement and a practical approach to Stoic philosophy.
This article was originally published at: Ed Latimore's Substack. Reprinted with permission from the author.
