Focusing on mental health allows us to get to know ourselves better. In therapy, we are given the space to identify the patterns that serve us and those that hold us back. We can dig deep into our past, consider our future, and do the hard work of healing.
Social media has given us access to a wealth of information about mental health, which can have both positive and negative effects. Putting mental health at the center of online conversations can reduce the stigma around mental health, but it can also isolate and oversimplify certain aspects of mental health work.
Mental health content creator A licensed family therapist named Steph She expressed how much she loves the mental health community while describing some of the elements she doesn’t like.
Therapists revealed the three things they dislike most about the “mental health field.”
1. People say that connecting with the present moment helps them feel calm
When we address mental health, we often hear phrases like “keep your distance” and “keep the peace.”
Steph shared a quote that is one of her least favorite things: “Connecting to the present moment calms the mind.”
“All we have in the present moment is a connection to what is here and now,” she explained. “And what is here and now is often so many things: hunger, physical pain, emotional pain, so many thoughts.”
“I think it’s misleading to expect the present moment to calm us. We need to practice connecting with the present moment,” she said.
Steph makes the very valuable observation that we don’t always feel at peace.
We can’t be expected to feel completely comfortable all the time, and a big part of the work of mental health is recognizing that it’s okay to tolerate that discomfort — in fact, that it’s necessary.
You can’t move through painful emotions unless you experience them yourself. Bringing your attention to the present moment allows you to truly feel the depth of your emotions, even when they’re not peaceful.
2. Give praise instead of approval
Steph expressed how grateful she is for the recognition practice, saying, “I think it’s great and it can really strengthen relationships.”
“It’s tricky because praise can actually be disabling,” she says.
In another post, she further elaborated on the difference between recognition and praise.
“Praise is about creating a positive mood, an uplifted mood, and an emotional space,” she says. “Acknowledgement is the process of someone understanding that their emotional experience makes sense and reflecting on it.”
“It’s about respecting, responding to and acknowledging someone’s emotional experience,” she continued.
She explained that approval requires noticing and accepting the moods of others.
“Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about how it makes sense,” she said.
3. Therapists who don’t respect secondary feelings
“This actually happens a lot in couples therapy, especially the emotion-focused therapy that I do,” Steph said, explaining secondary and primary emotions.
“People express their anger. [and] “They’re frustrated, but deep down their main emotions are fear and sadness,” she said.
“So if someone is really angry, a therapist might say, ‘Talk about your sadness,'” she gave as an example.
Steph sent a message to other therapists who struggle with that part of their job.
“This is something I’ve really worked a lot on and I’m very pleased to have been able to get through it,” she said, noting that it’s a set of skills and interventions to learn.
Recognizing the power of secondary emotions means accepting that they exist in the first place and not ignoring them in order to get to the root of a person’s emotional experience.
Steph’s dislikes highlight the fact that no community is perfect. Every space has its flaws, even if the people in it are doing good work. By being open about what she doesn’t like about the mental health space, Steph is normalizing imperfection, which always leads to healing.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer for YourTango’s news and entertainment team. She covers all things related to social issues, pop culture, and the entertainment industry.
