If we grew up in a dysfunctional home, or faced frightening events in the past, our experiences and the way we respond to difficult situations can be affected. Some people have a flight or fight response when triggered, while others have a fawn response. The Fawn Reflex is a defense mechanism that seeks to find safety in existing relationships by pleasing and being kind to people even when they are uncomfortable. Therapist Abby Rawlinson explains, “The fawn reaction describes how people try to create security in their relationships by developing pleasing behavior. It is caused when the responds to a threat, or potential threat, by trying to be “pleasant, kind, helpful.” “
Also read: Skills to soften trauma before it triggers
Abby even noted subtle signs that we were fawning over trauma.
say yes: We fear being misunderstood and disliked by others. So we try to break down our own boundaries and agree to the things we don’t agree with.
less likely to feel angry: We find it difficult to feel anger towards others because we feel that we must always please others in order to be accepted.
Feeling bad: When someone is angry with us, we automatically start believing that we are at fault. This is a trigger reaction to remedy the situation without the need for conversation or confusion.
people’s opinion: We are always worried about what people think of us. Therefore, we work too hard to make them feel good.
approval: We cannot validate our own feelings and emotions, so we always ask others for them. Constant acknowledgment and praise can calm us down.
“Amae may make people feel safe in the short term, but it comes with some high problems. “People-pleasing fawn responses are often learned in early childhood but are not entrenched,” writes the therapist.
