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Parent-child relationships are necessarily hierarchical.
It is natural and healthy for this dynamic to change as people transition into adulthood. As any adult child knows, that change can be uncomfortable.
“People can be torn between showing respect for everything their parents have done for them and feeling obligated to do what they say,” says Tema, president of the American Psychological Association. Bryant says. This is especially true when it comes to aspects of life that parents sometimes feel they need to have a big say in, such as who their children date.
Bryant is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and received his doctoral training in the Victims of Violence Program at Harvard Medical Center.
If you have parents who tend to interfere too much in your relationships, it’s wise to set boundaries about what you say to them and who you bring over.
What people want in a romantic partner and what their parents want in a romantic partner are often different.
For example, let’s say you’re unhappy in your relationship, but your parents really love your partner and are vocal about how breaking up is a mistake.
Bryant suggests saying things like: “On paper, we seem to have good chemistry, but what I’m sharing with you is that in real life interactions, that doesn’t work. You can’t always make decisions based on that.” It’s on the checklist. ”
You don’t have to hit your partner or fight with your parents. Ask them to trust your judgment.
“You could say, ‘I know you really like them, and if you were single you could go out with them, but that just doesn’t work for me,'” Bryant says.
Also, your family may not like the person you are excited about. In this case, consider the characters of the parents.
Sometimes our family members notice our patterns before we do. Perhaps they see the person as exhibiting controlling behavior or that you feel insecure around them. If they express a concern like this, it’s okay, and even wise, to consider how legitimate you feel it is.
“It requires some introspection and reflection on who your parents are,” Bryant says.
If your family is hostile towards your partner, consider that as well.
“If you have a family member who doesn’t like everyone, there’s no need to get too involved or dig into it,” Bryant says.
Take a “sacred pause” and know within yourself that the relationship is positive for your life, she says.
The parents are dizzyingly introduced to potential partners one after another. Sometimes it’s best to wait.
“If you’re not going to follow their advice, you’re inviting them into your business and you might not be able to share it.” [by telling them]” Bryant says.
There’s no guarantee that the relationship will last, but delaying the introduction may keep your parents’ thoughts at bay while you’re still figuring out how you and this person may or may not be a fit.
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