Selective mutism: ‘People think I’m rude but I’m frozen with fear’

When Daisy-Mae was growing up, her family thought she was just shy, but her severe silence in front of strangers was actually selective mutism.

The 12-year-old girl from Essex has an anxiety disorder that leaves her unable to talk to almost anyone other than her parents.

Although Daisy-Mae has been unable to make friends because of this, she has developed an interest in performing through dance and online videos, which allow her to express herself and feel empowered.

In an interview conducted via email, she explained in her own words how the condition affects her daily life.

Imagine spending your day interacting with people. My body is there, but my mouth can’t move, and I’m so worried that I have no words in my head. It’s just empty.

You see other people talking but you can’t do it and you get stuck. You can’t even ask where the toilet is when you need it.

That’s my life with selective mutism.

I can’t find the words to say, and when I step out of the house, even if I can remember, I’m so scared that I freeze up.

You can’t ask for any help, you can’t laugh, you can’t talk.

People think you are indifferent and don’t want to be friendly. You look unfriendly. I feel like I’m not in the same world as everyone else.

I don’t have any friends at all. I said I don’t need friends and I want to be alone.

But when I see my friends together, I think the idea is good, but I can’t talk to anyone about it, so it’s not possible.

I can’t even talk to my family. I get very tired when I’m with people.

Last year, when I was performing in a pantomime, I was in a different changing room from my mother. The other girls were playing games, but I couldn’t participate, so I sat on the sidelines.

You can’t talk or participate, so you just watch.

I’m good at conveying impressions of people, so I can explain every conversation to my mother when I get home.

I remember what everyone was saying. They seem to think I’m not interested, but I am.

It’s different when I’m performing. I can’t talk about it yet, but I feel like I’ve gained more strength.

The only time I seem to be able to do anything is when I’m on a show with everyone else. It’s not just me.

I like being with people and I like performing with large audiences. There are a lot of people, but they don’t expect me to talk to them, and I know I’ve been rehearsing and I’m confident.

I love music and have to wear earplugs, but I love it when the audience smiles and clap and look at me. That will make you smile. I’m not.

Earlier this month, I hosted a charity talent show called Uniquely Me. After weeks of practice, I managed to deliver a short speech.

I wanted to launch a talent show, especially to give people like me an opportunity to perform. That way, everyone can participate and not feel left out, as I often feel.

The children all had different backgrounds, cultures, and different disabilities, and they were all happy together.

I would like to do it again because it went really well and I was able to educate people about selective mutism.

No one understands what selective mutism is. They either make a fuss when I don’t talk, or they ignore me completely and give up.

I wish I could explain that I’m not unfriendly and that I like people.

I wear a lanyard around my neck that says I have selective mutism, and I want people to understand what selective mutism is, just like they do with autism.

I have tried to learn sign language, but I find it difficult because I freeze up in front of other people and can’t move my arms or anything.

I’m autistic so I don’t worry too much about the future. I don’t like talking about or imagining the future so I don’t think about it much, but I know Mom is very worried.

Daisy May’s mother Louise said she received letters from other parents after the Uniquely Me show telling them how it had helped their children’s confidence.

I worry about the future every day.

Daisy Mae relies on me for everything. It’s so hard to see my daughter unable to go to the store and ask for simple things, and unable to leave her alone because she can’t deal with emergencies.

She has never gone on playdates or sleepovers and cannot ask for anything or make her needs known anywhere.

I’m worried about what will happen to her if something happens to me.

As told by Rachel McMenemy