It started as an innocent experiment. Here’s your chance to find out what all the fuss is about, and how a really simple drug has helped tons of Hollywood stars drop dozens of pounds overnight. Thus began the opportunity to test a version of the “miracle” weight loss drug GLP-1 (semaglutide, or the most commonly used brand names Ozempic and Wegovy).
To be honest, I knew little about how this drug worked. All I believed was that users could lose weight with minimal effort. “You just eat less,” a friend of mine who was an early Ozempic tester told me with a look in his eyes. Doctors aren’t exactly sure how the drug, traditionally used to treat diabetes, leads to weight loss, but it suppresses hunger and slows the movement of food from the stomach to the small intestine. I’m just saying that it seems to be helpful. Fills up faster. As someone who has always been a “big” friend who was described as “tall,” “muscular,” and “athletic” rather than “petite,” “slim,” and “cute,” I don’t really know how that happens. It wasn’t important. It worked. It just happened.
I discovered GLP-1 shortly after Kim Kardashian’s now infamous appearance at the 2022 Met Gala. that Marilyn Monroe dress. Her appearance sparked speculation that she turned to Ozempic to fit the iconic gown (a rumor she declined to address). In the years leading up to the GLP-1 trial, my weight dropped rapidly to the point where I was miserable with my appearance. I felt like no matter what I did, I would never be able to get close to a “skinny” body type.
When I arrived at the doctor’s office for my GLP-1 injection, I felt hopeful. I decided that no matter what, this would be the key to my weight loss dreams.
Even after I started suffering severe side effects, I was not convinced that the drug was anything but a miracle. Indeed, it became impossible to eat a full meal, the refrigerator was filled with expensive leftovers, and choosing a plate became a hassle. And yes, I regularly had to run from the table and throw up after eating something that the medication told my body was a bit too much. I refused to even acknowledge the downside of GLP-1 after I had a bad accident in the bathroom at my office.
For me, these were not problems or difficulties, but simply signs that the medicine was having its effect. Because no matter how much ego-bashing I experienced through vomiting and diarrhea, it never dimmed the glow I felt every time I received a compliment about my weight loss. Not a day goes by that I don’t get told how thin I look and how baggy my clothes have become. Although I brushed it off in front of everyone who offered it to me, it was a comment that stayed firmly in my heart. With each weight removed from my body, my confidence grew just a little bit more.
After 6 weeks, my GLP-1 trial ended and I was thrilled to see that I had lost 14 pounds during my final weigh-in. In public, I expressed my relief that I could finally enjoy food again. Because I knew that’s what people expected. “It was good. that “It’s over,” I told my ever-patient boyfriend. But inside I was panicking. I was scared of what would happen to me if I didn’t lose weight or if my shrunken figure didn’t attract attention.
A few days after I stopped taking GLP-1, I was still having some side effects. I always felt full. I had no appetite at all, and when I ate a full meal, I felt nauseous and vomited. But slowly my hunger returned, and after about a week I felt my stomach growl for the first time in weeks.
To celebrate, my boyfriend took me out for my favorite (and very basic) meal: a Caesar salad with fries. The food arrived and before I could think about it my plate was empty. And I felt disgusted with myself. Without the safety blanket that GLP-1 provided, I quickly realized that my insatiable appetite was rearing its ugly head and taking over.
As soon as I realized how much I had eaten, a wave of nausea hit me and I ran to the bathroom to throw up, confident that the twisting in my stomach would subside once the food came. When I returned to the table, my boyfriend looked at me with concern. “I thought everyone was better?” he asked. “Is something wrong? Should I meet someone?”
I quickly dismissed his concerns and claimed it was just a GLP-1 hangover. But the truth is, over the next few weeks, I developed an increasingly unhealthy obsession with the idea that I had to puke whenever I felt full.
I justified my actions in every possible way. It’s the ghost of GLP-1 that’s suppressing my appetite, and that drug is somehow training my body to react that way when I eat to maintain weight loss. That’s what I told myself. My loved ones became increasingly concerned about the fact that my so-called GLP-1 side effects continued and advised me to go to the doctor.
“I talked to him and he said it’s normal and doesn’t happen as much these days,” I lied, having just gotten rid of another meal. I know now they had the best intentions, but at the time their concern only caused me to make one change. That meant hiding the purge by any means necessary. I was convinced that they just didn’t understand and that it was easier to keep it a secret than to drag out the fear.
This pattern continued for 6 months. After eating more than a few bites of food, I immediately went to the bathroom. I kept a list of excuses in the back of my mind, preparing to shut down any concerns that frequent trips to the bathroom might cause.
After a while, I had a hard time remembering a time when I didn’t cleanse after a meal. And I really believed I could go on like that forever, acting like a healthy, happy 30-something most of the time while hiding my secrets from the world.
Believe it or not, that ridiculous fantasy was only shattered by a trip to the dentist. She took one look at my teeth and the damage caused by my cleansing and sat me down for a quiet word. “Your teeth have suffered some serious erosion since we last saw you. I thought you might want to talk to me about something. You are under no obligation to talk to me, but if you would like… Please talk.”Recommend a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. It’s possible. ”
Her words hit me like a bullet. I felt naked, exposed, and downright embarrassed.
All those rationalizations came crashing down around me as experts clearly stated how much damage I was doing to my body. I went home, broke down in tears and told my boyfriend everything. He helped me look into eating disorder specialists, and within a week I was seeing someone regularly.
Even now, six months later, I am still very much on the mend. And, as anyone who has suffered from an eating disorder will tell you, that process will likely continue for the rest of my life. Looking in the mirror has gotten easier, but there are still days when I cry because my pants are too tight, or when I feel full after eating a big meal and want to run to the bathroom.
I still don’t understand why I fell into such a hopeless, dark hole. But, says Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, therapist and founder, eating disorder centerstates that it is not uncommon for the use of weight loss drugs to cause or worsen eating disorders in patients. “Many eating disorders are initially caused by a combination of factors such as genetics, psychosocial stressors, and dieting/restriction/attempts to lose weight. [So] It makes perfect sense that GLP-1 drugs that cause nausea and vomiting when eating could cause eating disorders in people who are genetically predisposed to it. ”
I’m still undergoing treatment, but I’m working hard every day to win. Enjoying food instead of dreading it now feels like an accomplishment rather than a failure, and clothes shopping no longer scares me.
My experience has taught me many lessons, but the one I know to be true above all is that the conversation surrounding these drugs and our bodies is: have To change. Complimenting someone’s weight loss may seem like a kind act, but you need to ask yourself what message it sends. You should also ask yourself if commenting on someone’s body shape is “kind” or just plain dangerous.
