NI recovering gambling addict on how online betting became a ‘way of life’

A recovering gambling addict from County Down hopes to help others in her situation by completing 30 cold baths before she turns 30. Sarah Boyd, from Carryduff, struggled financially after graduating from university and turned to online gambling to make a little extra money. of extra cash.

However, the addiction quickly took hold and online gambling became Sarah’s livelihood despite having little knowledge of the sport.

Now eight months into her recovery, Sarah appeared on Belfast Live ahead of Addiction Awareness Week and said sharing her story will help in the fight against addiction.

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“After I left university, I couldn’t get a good job and didn’t really have a place of my own. I was delivering leaflets and walking marathons almost every day for £35 a day,” she said. “I felt like I needed to make more money and gambling seemed like an easy way to do that. Online sites offer around £200 of free bets and of course as a first-time online gambler I I won, and right away I thought, this is easy. It wasn’t free, so I had to keep playing. And I think that’s how it draws you in.

“When I started, I was hooked. There was a bit of a thrill when I won, but there was also the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next. Eventually, over the years, the problems escalated. I think this is especially true during COVID-19.”My mental health has taken a bit of a hit with daily life shut down and anxiety and depression increasing. Shortly after, I started working full months and was putting my entire paycheck on the line within hours, but I kept it a secret.

“It’s a very invisible addiction, and that’s what makes it so dangerous. I was a very functional addict. The real danger was how easy it was to hide the gambling. . It didn’t raise any suspicions, it wasn’t visibly noticeable, and I was very dangerous. I’m good at putting on the mask that everything is okay.”

Sarah said she had lived her life as a “sad, stressed and depressed gambling addict” and said there could be so much stigma and shame behind addiction.

“I felt really, really hopeless. On the surface, among the people I knew, it seemed like I was doing well, but I was just like everyone else they knew. I think a lot of people were quite shocked to hear that I was a compulsive gambler.

“People said, ‘Sarah? Really Sarah? But what does Sarah know about soccer and sports?'” Or, “But Sarah is a woman. I’ve never seen her in a book.” or “Why can’t you just quit?” Or, “But you don’t even play the weekly lottery.”

“I got addicted to online slots, but I became completely addicted to them and lost all appreciation for money and the people around me. Money was just a number on a screen, it meant nothing to me. I didn’t have any. I could have won and I didn’t feel anything.”

Sarah said she gambled to block out her problems and escape her depression and anxiety.

“In the beginning, online slots were a safe haven for me, a place that kept me away from reality. Until I couldn’t leave any time soon, until I completely self-destructed and lost every last pound.” she said. she continued.

“I stayed up all night spinning the slots, spinning the slots on my way to work, crossing the road while spinning the slots, standing in the shower spinning the slots saying I was taking a shower. .I was totally addicted to gambling.During COVID-19 and lockdown, my gambling was pretty much 24/7 and I had turned my room into my own casino.

“One day I’d win five figures on a single spin of £300, the next day I’d be back to 30ps, and in between I’d be making dinner and doing normal everyday things.”

Sarah had nearly 100 different online gambling accounts, most of which gave her “VIP” status.

“When I ran out of credit on one site, I would just go to another and open a new one. I would gamble for hours every day, pressing the same buttons on my phone until my bank account was empty. .This was nothing new.”For me, it had become a theme, but the amounts were different.Debt, constant stress, guilt and shame were just things I had managed to endure. And it was all part of the addiction.”

“I was so addicted to it that when I ran out of money, I honestly felt relieved, because it meant I could quit.You might not realize it at first, but by the time you realize it, you’re not going to let it go until the next morning.” You’re staying up on that money.” To get through this week, you need to win on your next spin.

“For me, there were literally no wins big enough, and there was no collect button. Everything seemed endless and I didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to. I felt so alone. “My mental state was the worst it had ever been. I couldn’t see a way out. I couldn’t live with myself and the chaos I had caused for myself and others.” I knew my life was falling apart around me.”

Sarah said after trying to take her own life due to her addiction, she knew something had to change.

“I couldn’t live with myself anymore and I didn’t want to be here. After the attempt, I realized in the hospital that there was no other way forward. I had to stop gambling or I wouldn’t succeed.” I knew I could do that. I think that helped me make a mental change and begin my recovery.

“At first I started one day at a time, actually one hour at a time, and said, ‘I’m not going to gamble during this time.’ I received great support in counseling at Dunleway Addiction Services, and for the first time I actually realized: A counselor and people who understand me.

“This, along with the support from my friends and the Gamblers Anonymous community, eventually led me to believe that things could get better as the days started to overlap. There’s an app called GamStop that blocks gambling, and there’s someone who can help me with my daily finances.

“I say every day is a good day when I don’t gamble. It means I’ve been able to avoid the casinos that are always around the corner and the bookstores that are on every street. No gambling now. I’ve been recovering for eight months now, and it’s not easy, but it’s much better than the gambling nightmare.”

Sarah has immersed herself in breathing classes at White Wolf Wellness and now does cold water therapy daily.

“Doing both of these things was great for my mental health and helped me learn to be content within myself. The water was so cold that I couldn’t think of anything else and was left alone. You’re the only one. I have to.” Addiction thrives in the dark and I’m not ready to live quietly in the dark anymore.

“I’m currently taking a challenge to soak in freezing cold water 30 times during the winter before I turn 30 to raise awareness about gambling, which puts people’s lives at risk. ‘A campaign group set up by the families of people who have lost their lives’ to support their campaign to fight back against the gambling industry, take action to improve the regulation of machines and venues, and ultimately stop gambling suicides. It helps me because I know I was just one of those people.

“I thought if I was this pissed off on a stage with £300 per spin, I could throw myself into freezing water and help a good cause.The reason gambling has become so popular is because of gambling. I think it’s because of advertising.”To people it’s “entertainment,” but unfortunately, for more and more people, it’s not entertainment. It’s an addiction.

“We want those who are struggling with addiction or mental health to know that there is help available. The entire recovery community is waiting to help. As scary as it may seem, Real support is available. It takes courage. Change begins the moment you ask for help. I encourage everyone to take the first step.”

To donate to Sarah’s fundraiser, visit her GoFundMe here. For gambling addiction help and support, visit begambleaware.org or call 08008020133.

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