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- author, Michelle Roberts
- role, Digital Health Editor
A new study of personality traits suggests that narcissists tend to become more empathetic, generous and agreeable as they age.
But while their unreasonably high sense of self-importance may be mitigated, it seems unlikely they will overcome it entirely, according to a survey of more than 37,000 people.
Children who were more self-centered than their peers as children tend to continue to be that way into adulthood, a study has found.
And they say there are at least three types of narcissistic behavior to watch out for.
What is a narcissist and how can you identify one?
The word narcissist has become an insult often hurled at anyone who is perceived as difficult or unpleasant.
We all display narcissistic traits from time to time.
Doctors use this term to describe specific, diagnosable types of personality disorders.
Definitions vary, but what people with this tendency have in common is an unshakeable belief that they are better or more worthy than others, which others might describe as arrogance or selfishness.
The study, published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, drew on data from 51 previous studies involving 37,247 participants aged between 8 and 77.
The researchers looked for three types of narcissists based on behavioral characteristics.
- Acting narcissist – Feeling greater or superior to others and craving praise
- Hostile narcissists – see others as rivals, are exploitative and lack empathy
- Neurotic narcissists – shame-prone, anxious, and sensitive to criticism
They studied what happened to these personality indicators over time, based on questionnaires, and found that, in general, narcissism scores decline with age.
But the changes were slight and gradual.
“Obviously, some people may change more dramatically, but in general you wouldn’t expect someone you knew as a highly narcissistic person to have completely changed when you meet them again after some years,” lead researcher Dr Ulrich Orth, from the University of Bern in Switzerland, told BBC News.
He says that some narcissistic traits can be useful, at least in the short term.
For example, it may increase your popularity, your dating success, your chances of landing a prestigious job, etc. But in the long run, the results will be mostly negative because of the conflict it causes.
“These effects not only impact the individual, but also the well-being of those they interact with – their partners, children, friends, colleagues and employees,” he explained.
Dr. Sarah Davis is a licensed counseling psychologist and author of a book on how to escape a narcissist.
She told the BBC that while people may be arrogant or selfish at times, this should not be confused with true clinical narcissism.
“Narcissists tend to be jealous and envious of others and can be very exploitative and manipulative,” she said.
“They don’t experience remorse or guilt or feel responsible like other non-narcissistic people.”
She says social media has led to increased interest in narcissism.
“To some extent it’s helpful – it helps inform more people about the issue and raises more awareness. But like a lot of mental health terms, it can lose a little bit of its clinical meaning.”
Dr Davis says we should be more careful with this term.
“I think it’s much more useful to name and differentiate behaviors specifically. For example, a friend of mine recently called her ex-boyfriend a narcissist after he cut off contact after the breakup.
“Being ghosted [suddenly cutting someone out of your life without explanation] Of course it’s awful, but maybe he just couldn’t stand the conversation after the relationship ended – it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a raging narcissist.
“They had been together for some time and there were no other signs of his ‘narcissism’.”
According to Dr. Davis, some signs you may be involved with or around a narcissist include:
- Constant drama – Narcissists need to be needed and seek out chaos and conflict.
- There are no sincere apologies. They never take full responsibility for their actions.
- Blame shifting – They manipulate and exploit others for their own selfish gain.
Dr Tennyson-Lee, a consultant psychiatrist at the Deancross Personality Disorder Service in Tower Hamlets, London, said the study was well-conducted and the findings useful.
“The good news is that narcissism generally declines with age. The bad news is that this decline is not very large.”
“Don’t expect narcissism to improve dramatically once you reach a certain age. It won’t happen.”
“This has implications for long-suffering spouses who think, ‘things will get better soon’,” he told BBC News.
