- Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, spoke to FEMAIL about losing her husband.
- For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116123 or visit samaritans.org.
A widow who lost her husband to suicide says he had an “incredible” ability to hide his true emotions and urges anyone concerned about the mental health of a loved one to “get help” Ta.
Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, founded Rider’s Mind, a mental health charity for equestrian athletes, with her late husband Matthew, who had been battling mental health issues for several years.
But tragically, Matthew took his own life in February 2021 at the age of 38 after enjoying a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner.
Two and a half years after Matthew’s death, Victoria gave an interview to FEMAIL and recalled how she did her best to support Matthew as his mental health deteriorated.
“To the outside world, they would never have known,” she said. “It was truly an incredible ability.”
Victoria met Matthew when they were both competitive riders. Matthew was “a top player at the time” and represented Great Britain at senior level.
The talented athlete was “charming and sassy” and would draw you in,” she said, but she was “young and nowhere near his level.”
The two eventually fell in love, married, and had three children.
Victoria said that although Matthew puts on a brave face for others, he clearly suffers from anxiety and as an athlete he is “just putting more pressure on himself”.
She admitted that he only “let her in” when he was vulnerable. That means Victoria is the only one who can understand how much he’s dealing with.
This mother-of-three says her son is “rubbing apart in the stable” but “the moment he steps outside” he acts as if everything is normal. She recounted the situation and said that her son was confused about how to categorize his suffering.
“Seeing him wearing a fake mask was one of the hardest things,” she added.
Even though Matthew openly talked about experiencing mental health issues in public, he hid his true feelings and emotions.
Ryder regularly blogged about his struggles and fears online, creating a safe space for others to come forward and seek guidance.
according to Horse & Houndhe even opened up about dealing with the anxiety and stress of getting through testicular cancer treatment.
However, despite this, others would not have known how much suffering the father of three children was experiencing.
And Victoria says that when it came to parenting, Matthew also hid his suffering from his children.
“He was a great father,” she said. “There were times when people noticed that he became quieter, but he really kept that part private and hid it under the carpet.”
He was so good at hiding his pain that everyone was shocked when Matthew died.
“It didn’t make any sense.” [to other people]” said Victoria. She said, “She felt she had to explain herself.”
As well as mourning her husband, Victoria noted that the stigma surrounding poor mental health makes it difficult to tell people how he died.
She recalled that after learning that she was a single parent, many people thought she had separated or divorced her husband. When she informed the others that Matthew had died, they thought he had a terminal illness.
“I felt like no one knew what to say to me,” she admitted. “People felt uncomfortable.”
Victoria also tries to talk about Matthew with her children, especially when she remembers happy times.
Mothers also make sure to remind their children that what their father went through is “still sick.”
“He was unwell and needed help,” she explained.
“Mental health is probably talked about more often now, but suicide prevention is less talked about.”
Victoria revealed that by learning to tackle taboo topics herself and talking about them, she was able to heal her husband and ensure he left a legacy.
“I didn’t want to sit in a corner and rock,” she added.
Mental health activists encouraged anyone who is experiencing what Matthew went through, or who is worried about a loved one, to speak up.
“It’s really a subject that no one wants to talk about,” she said.
“Get help. It’s a huge burden to carry on your own. I didn’t tell anyone what was going on and I carried that weight on my own…My biggest regret now is… The question is, why didn’t you tell anyone?
“Silence is the most dangerous thing, and it is the simplest thing, but for him it is the most difficult thing.”
Victoria and Matthew founded Riders Mind in 2019. The charity aims to ‘maintain good mental health and encourage people who are suffering from the stress and competitive pressures associated with the equestrian industry, or who are taking up horse riding as a form of escapism and enjoyment for their mental health. The purpose is to support. , or those suffering from mental health issues.
For confidential support, please call Samaritans on 116123 or visit: samaritans.org
