Dear Abby:
My beautiful adopted son “Allen” (32 years old) lost his life six months ago. He had struggled with mental illness all of his adult life. He had a close relationship with his cousin, in fact they were inseparable. But when Allen started smoking at her 13 year old, my sister wouldn’t allow Allen to be near her son, even if her husband smoked. Allen was devastated.
My brother has a large cabin and hosts a deer hunting event every year. I approached him several times and asked if he could invite Allen to hunt, or just for fun in the north woods. His answer was always, “Not this time.”
My husband passed away 11 years ago. Since she comes from a large family, she thought she would get help from them. Quite the opposite. I still have hard feelings towards my family. These feelings of loss and the rejection from her siblings were part of Allen’s depression, which she knows she will never recover from. I’m not trying to repair my relationship with my brothers, I’m just offering words of comfort. — Sadder than sad in Michigan
Dear sad person:
My heartfelt condolences on the passing of your son. Your family may not have included him because they didn’t understand his mental illness and felt they didn’t have the ability to deal with it. This isn’t to excuse the fact that they kept their distance, but rather to explain why they kept him at arm’s length.
You’ll have support even when you’re away, so you won’t feel alone. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention can help you find a grief support group near you.To find out, visit afsp.org. Another great organization is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).visit nami.org There are also plenty of resources for families like yours. Please don’t wait.
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