Dear Abby: I’m a 47-year-old woman and have been with my partner for 10 years. He used to be a great guy, but recently he has become disinterested in me, avoids emotional topics, and sometimes goes away for days at a time.
Whenever I brought it up he would get violent. All of a sudden he was belittling me and making me feel like I wasn’t the beautiful person he always said I was. To save my sanity, I broke up with him.
Now he has promised to go to counseling (together and separately) to help him get better and to help me understand why he has changed 180 degrees.
Should I believe him? Should I take another chance? I love him but it’s taking too long to bounce back and I can’t get out of self defense mode. What should I do? Walk or talk? – Arizona Fractures
Dear Broken One: You say you broke up with him, which is healthy. Some women endure abuse until their self-esteem is completely damaged. Since you still care about him, I support giving him the second chance he is asking for, but only after he has progressed sufficiently in the counseling he promised. You deserve not only an apology, but an explanation from him for what he did to you. Do not reconcile until you have received an explanation.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at Dear Abbey or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
