Dear Annie: My son is almost 23 years old. He was two courses away from earning his Bachelor of Science in Computer Science when something bad happened. He wouldn’t tell me what happened. He had a breakdown and didn’t graduate.
That was two years ago. We got him into counseling, he saw a few counselors, he went to group therapy, we tried different combinations of antidepressants, they tried something called transcranial magnetic stimulation, which seemed to really help, and then it stopped working.
Now he is considering electroconvulsive therapy. He won’t tell me anything. No counselor or doctor will tell me anything because he is over 18. He recently asked to be taken to a psychiatric emergency room and was admitted for a week.
I decided to clean up his room. It was extremely messy. I also kept a close eye on him to make sure he didn’t have anything he might use to hurt himself. I found marijuana and some kind of high tech lung injector. I’m worried about the marijuana. It doesn’t help with depression and I found out he’s admitted to using it to his psychiatric team. I have no idea how to confront him about this.
I just want my son to get out of the long, dark place he’s been in for so many years. He’ll have a wonderful life. He’s very smart, handsome, literate, and fun to be around. Please, where do I start? — A Mother in Need of a Miracle
Dear Mom Seeking a Miracle: Yes, your son can and will have a wonderful life. He is going through a storm right now, but there is always a rainbow after the storm. Your son will too. He is doing all he needs to do to get help. It is very hard for us not to solve your son’s problems right away, but with lots of love from you and the professional care of his doctor, he will thrive. The key is to find the right therapist who can design a treatment program for your son’s depression.
Depression is an illness and like any other illness, it can be managed and cured. Marijuana may relieve depression temporarily but make it worse in the long run. A good therapist can help him understand the importance of a zero tolerance policy for himself.
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Dear Annie: In my 20-plus years in customer service, I’ve found that people are usually pretty patient if you tell them the truth about a delay and, if possible, give them an estimated time of arrival.
Of course, in this fast-changing world, there are businesses that are overbooked and understaffed every day, and I help them by helping them have one less customer base.
If I’m going to be late for an appointment, I call to let them know so that someone else can meet me first or we can reschedule. — A considerate person
Dear Caring Person: You are right that compassion comes first. That is a great suggestion. Thank you.
Note: The above column was originally published in 2021.
Questions for Annie Lane? [email protected].
