Mental health: From breakdown to award-winning psychiatrist

Eighteen years ago, Professor Ahmed Hankil was homeless and in the midst of a mental health crisis.

He currently works as an award-winning psychiatrist in Ontario, Canada.

His prestigious roles in the UK include Honorary Visiting Professor at Cardiff Medical School;

By sharing his personal experience and professional perspective of living with a mental health condition, he now has thousands of social media followers.

“There is comfort in common experience,” he says.

“Sharing helps others feel less alone, less isolated and less embarrassed.”

This article contains references to suicide.

Professor Hankill was born in Belfast, grew up in Dublin and England, and moved to Lebanon at the age of 12.

“It was during the aftermath of a brutal and bloody civil war…There would be bullet holes in the walls of the building,” he said.

He was in Lebanon in 1996 Siege of Cana More than 100 people were killed there and another 100 were injured. The shocking events he experienced at that time never left him.

He recalled coming home to see his father’s building reduced to rubble and his entire family killed.

“He was holding the dead body of a child in his arms,” ​​Professor Hankill recalled.

“I remember him crying inconsolably. It stuck with me. These memories continue to haunt me.”

At the age of 17, he and his twin brother left their parents and returned to England.

Professor Hankir’s dreams of attending medical school were dashed when he discovered that the qualifications he obtained in Lebanon would not allow him to enter a British university.

I also realized that my university tuition fees were prohibitive because I was considered an international student.

He started working at a kebab van, where he experienced another traumatic event. It involved a group of men beating a young man to death.

“They were about 20 meters away from the van… it was tragic,” he said.

“No one intervened, no one did anything, everyone just watched it happen until they heard the siren.”

At this point, the life he wanted to build for himself felt completely out of reach.

“My dream was to be a doctor. I’m here serving kebabs for minimum wage, and people are asking me, ‘Do you speak English?’ because I’ve witnessed murders.” he said.

He then worked as a janitor in the morning and stacked shelves at night, working up to 70 hours a week for minimum wage.

The following year, he entered university for the sixth grade, but continued to work full time.

When she told university staff that she wanted to become a doctor, she said they laughed in her face.

“She made me feel like a dirty little immigrant with delusions of grandeur,” he said.

“She literally laughed and said, to quote her verbatim, ‘You can’t get into medical school, it’s too competitive, please choose another course.'”

He went on to medical school in Manchester, but missed his parents and struggled to balance this with his studies.

At this point, he began experiencing flashbacks and eventually reached a breaking point.

“It was major depressive disorder,” he said.

“Pervasive depression, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, rumination, inability to concentrate, lack of energy, inability to even get out of bed, lack of motivation, and oh yeah, suicidal thoughts.

“I was in a really bad state, but I was scared of being separated and I was scared of being admitted to a psychiatric ward.”

He felt unable to get help.

“My perception of mental health and mental illness was influenced by my cultural background. In the Middle East and North Africa, mental health is not talked about. It’s taboo and highly stigmatized.” he added.

I dropped out of medical school in 2006.

“I was poor, I didn’t have a place to stay and I was sleeping rough,” he said.

He was sometimes able to sleep on friends’ couches and remained in the squat for short periods, but one day he found his flatmate dead of a drug overdose.

“It was like one trauma after another,” he said.

He eventually sought help, saw a psychiatrist, and gradually became strong enough to return to college.

“It was scary and the recovery was a slow, gradual and painful process,” he said.

These days, he sees himself as someone living with a mental health condition but who has learned resilience.

That same year, he won the Caroline Flack Mental Health Hero Award at The Sun’s Who Cares Wins Awards for sharing his own struggles with mental health.

“I am mindful that a relapse could occur if I do not take the necessary steps to protect my mental health and prevent it from happening again,” he said.

He said exercise, his faith in Islam and working on creative projects aimed at combating mental health stigma have all helped him stay healthy.

His book, Breakthrough: A Story of Hope, Resilience and Mental Health Recovery, will be published in April.

He believes the only way to end the stigma around mental health is to speak up.

“Simply saying with confidence, ‘I live with a mental health condition and I’m not ashamed,’ can prevent suicide,” he said.

He wants to encourage other psychiatrists to share their personal experiences with mental health.

“Psychiatrists living with mental health conditions should not be ashamed and should feel empowered to speak honestly, openly and transparently about their mental health experiences… “I know it’s a theory, but maybe British people tend to be more reserved and I respect that, but there are a lot of people who want to share,” he said. said.

“By revealing and sharing, we let others know they are not alone.”

If you are affected by the issues raised in this article, you can find help and support at the following URL: BBC action line.