In treatment, this can mean that even if you are not feeling well, you can say that you are doing well. Or tell your therapist that you never use drugs, even if you drink or smoke.Others say they are just beings Even though getting out of bed feels like a chore, you still feel stressed.
Although this kind of untruthfulness may sound terrible, dishonesty in treatment is not terrible and is not uncommon.For example, one study Of more than 500 therapy participants, more than 90 percent were found to have lied to their therapist at least once. Top mistrust included pretending to like the therapist's suggestions, denying anxiety, and minimizing suffering.
Talking to a therapist takes courage, and opening up can feel weak. But avoiding the truth comes at a cost. the study It has been shown that it can reduce the effectiveness of treatment and cause patients to leave treatment prematurely.
I told the patient that her fib was not something to be ashamed of, but something to understand. We needed to understand what makes honesty so difficult in the first place.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you are not alone.
Here are some common reasons people lie to their therapists and what you can do instead.
In therapy and in life, we often lie to avoid criticism.
For example, I have counseled many patients with eating disorders who deny excessive exercise or restrictive eating. Other examples include censoring your anger or omitting how often you attack your children.
Although we tend to combine lies and deception, these lies are not intended to disappoint the therapist. Most of the time, they are an attempt to avoid judgment.
But here's what you need to know: a good therapist will never judge you. Rather, it helps you understand why you're afraid of being judged. For example, family dynamics can come into play. If your caregiver was too strict, you may think everyone will treat you the same way. Or, if your parents value perfection, they may think anything less is a failure.
in one study, More than 60% of participants said they lied to avoid embarrassment. For example, if you believe that your thoughts, feelings, or actions make you “bad” in some way, you're less likely to tell anyone (including your therapist) about it.
However, remember that therapists are like mental health emergency room doctors. We have heard many stories and helped patients overcome many crises. What's embarrassing for you won't upset us. I often ease my patients' fears by addressing them from the beginning. For example, I say: I'm not here to judge you in any way. ”
trying to please the therapist
By pleasing people, we can learn things like “Altruistic lies.” This distrust is meant to protect the other person's feelings. For example, you might tell a friend that you love your new partner, even if he or she is annoying.
Altruistic lies are also common in therapy. Years ago, I worked with someone who told me that his treatment was working. But after a few weeks, they admitted they were at an impasse. They were afraid that if I told them the truth, they would hate me.
Most of us avoid saying hurtful things, but it's not your job to protect your therapist's feelings. Understanding this can be very liberating.give to therapist feedback You can develop intimacy and it will be easier to tell the truth in the future.
try to avoid disturbing emotions
Omitting the truth can protect you from emotional upsets such as anxiety, guilt, and sadness.
This is common in people who have survived trauma, such as emotional abuse or assault. Or if you are grieving the loss of a loved one. But avoidance doesn't make the suffering go away.
The good news is that your therapist can help you with anything you find difficult. They may also teach you how to practice. deep breathIt helps you feel calmer.
how to deal with untruth
- Recognize shame. Dishonesty can lead to shame and avoidance of the problem. You will probably never mention that untruth. This can prevent you from getting the support you need. One way to get past shame is to give it a name. First, let's find out where it appears in your body. You may feel a pit in your stomach or tense shoulders.
- silent shame self-pity. First, tell yourself this. This feeling won't last forever. ” When we see shame as part of the human experience, we feel less alone.
- Have the courage to speak the truth. If you misbehave, let your therapist know. For example, if you were afraid of being criticized, you could say, “I couldn't be honest because I was worried about being judged.” Or, if therapy isn't working, you might say, “I'd like to be honest about my experience with therapy.” If you don't know what caused the mistrust, it can be helpful to say something like, “I don't know why you couldn't be honest.”
Telling the truth can be difficult, but honesty has many benefits. It can build trust and strengthen the therapeutic relationship. It also provides an opportunity to dig deeper and guide treatment in a more meaningful direction.
Juli Fraga, PhD, is a practicing psychologist in San Francisco.
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