Kimberley Nixon thought she would harm her baby

The Welsh actress said she suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) after giving birth and became worried she was a danger to her baby.

Kimberley Nixon, star of Channel 4 comedy Fresh Meat, said natural worries about her baby’s health escalated into deep anxiety.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder It is a mental illness A condition in which a person has obsessions or compulsions.

“I was sure I wasn’t doing the right thing. I wasn’t feeding my baby properly. What’s the right temperature?” she said.

“Every time he cried I was just shaking. I felt really guarded and scared.”

Kimberly was eventually diagnosed with perinatal OCD, which is when someone experiences OCD during pregnancy or up to a year after giving birth.

But before her diagnosis, she said whenever she looked online for help, all the advice was about “the baby blues and feeling sad.”

“I didn’t feel sad. I felt scared,” she said.

The Pontypridd-born actress, who has also appeared in films Wild Child, Angus, Songs and Perfect Snogging, underwent IVF treatment to conceive her long-awaited son.

After experiencing a traumatic birth during the 2020 pandemic, when her son was born, Kimberly immediately began worrying that she might accidentally hurt her son.

“Those thoughts went from what would happen to him and how could I protect him, to what if I put my baby at risk,” she told Radio Wales. The books that shaped Lucy Owen and me.

“What if you get too tired and end up dumping him, or suddenly snap and become a completely different person?”

“If you look at it objectively, you know it wouldn’t have happened, but sometimes you end up feeling unwell like I did.

“I don’t know what’s real anymore and I don’t even believe in myself anymore.

“And this baby that I loved so much was finally here and I was scared to even go near her because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.”

Perinatal OCD is when a woman experiences OCD during pregnancy or in the year after giving birth.

This disorder is sometimes called postpartum OCD.

Often, it revolves around a significant fear of harm coming to the baby, but this is not always the case and the worry is often centered around accidentally or intentionally hurting the baby.

of NHS says “It’s important to realise that experiencing these worries from time to time is completely normal and very common.”

Simon Jones, from Mind Camry, said it was “normal” to be worried about your baby’s welfare and want to protect them.

“If you start experiencing obsessions or compulsions that impact your daily life or your health, you may be experiencing perinatal OCD,” she adds.

“Obsessive thoughts and compulsions are likely related to parenthood and feelings about the baby.”

According to the National Childbirth Trust, the incidence of OCD during pregnancy is 5% and can be as high as 9% after birth, but boys and girls are affected equally.

Kimberly said she had never heard of perinatal OCD before her diagnosis.

“After my son was born I felt really unwell but I had no symptoms of postnatal depression,” she says.

“And if I don’t fit the diagnosis, it’s like no one knows what to do with me, and that’s scary.

“For me, OCD was being very neat and liking things a certain way. I’m one of the messiest people I know, and it annoys my husband. I didn’t have any of the OCD compulsions.

“All my compulsions were mental, so they were really invisible and very hard to read and hard to notice.”

Jones explained: “OCD has two main parts: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are persistent unwanted thoughts, feelings, images, urges, worries or doubts.”

“Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that are performed to reduce the distress or anxiety caused by obsessions.”

He said there was still a stigma surrounding perinatal mental health issues, but Mind Kamri encouraged anyone who thought they might be affected to seek support.

“It can be difficult to open up and talk about your obsessions and compulsions, which can lead to the illness going undiagnosed and leaving you feeling isolated.”

Kimberly has over 250,000 followers on Instagram and has been sharing her own mental health journey on the social media platform to raise awareness of the illness.

“When I was still feeling unwell from my postpartum mental illness, I started to be honest about my condition,” she said.

“Over the last three years, I’ve received thousands of messages – from everyone, men, women, new mothers with two-week-old babies.”

She says that when she was at her lowest and couldn’t find anyone online to empathize with, she decided she wanted to be there for others going through a similar experience in the future.

Kimberly is now in recovery and loves spending time with her son.

“I have a great relationship with my son and I was worried that I wouldn’t have that same relationship,” she said.

“So I really want you to know that it will get better, it will get better, and it can make your relationship with your child even more special.”