Each week, Prudie discusses difficult letters with colleagues and friends exclusively for Slate Plus members.This week, Jane Desmond Harris discusses her own reaction to ‘Clock Watch’ with her fellow Slate writers (and her husband) Joel Anderson.
Dear Prudence,
My husband hates being late.In other words dislike I hate. It is a constant source of annoyance. If we are even a minute late, he becomes stressed and embarrassed and apologizes to everyone and makes sure to let everyone know who is to blame (always me). If we have to go somewhere, he will be ready long in advance and will wait at the door, walking around and getting excited, until I am ready. He often refuses to go out with me if we are going to be late, saying he is embarrassed to meet people. I want him to get therapy. He said I should learn how to manage my time better and stop holding him accountable for being punctual. who is right?
-clock
Read Prudi’s original reply to this letter.
Jane Desmond Harris: All he has to do is follow her eight hours before the event to check on her progress “just to make sure I’m on my pace”. Not that I know anything about it.
Joel Anderson: It is a shame that the same diligence has not been applied to ensure an even and fair amount of time to shower, change and leave the house before the event.what not to do you would know anything about it.
Anyway, had I read this question decades ago, I might have been more sympathetic to this person. I used to think that for school, work or sports, arriving five minutes early could be considered late. However, I had a reputation among friends for being late to social outings. And it wasn’t until my friend got really mad because I made us miss something that I realized how much of an asshole I was. It was like this: Just once He got serious with me. And I’m sorry for causing his friend such frustration and disappointment.
That’s why I have to say this. “I’m surprised they didn’t detect it.” Any With this letter!
Gene: So the letter writer doesn’t seem to mind being late at all?
Joel: Yes, or even think about how it affects your husband, how he feels about it. Instead of saying, “I could be ready 20 minutes earlier,” she’s trying to convince him that he needs therapy. That’s a strange reaction!
Gene: Totally agree! I actually think he set the right boundaries…using a very overused phrase. He has no intention of making her late. I don’t like the part where he tells everyone it’s his fault if he’s late (it’s a little aggressive!), but I think the decision not to go is as reasonable as possible if this is a big problem for you. you.
Joel: I feel like I had an uncle who did something similar. If his aunt made him late for church, he would not go to church because he was ashamed. (And as a matter of fact, being late to a small church can be really confusing!) But in any case, it’s a shame that LW coldly fired her husband and that her feelings didn’t show up in other areas. I can’t imagine that. However, leniently confine them to the assumption that their problem is simply a question of how best to deal with tardiness. Well, I wish I could say more about why LW is always late. Is something wrong and he can’t be ready on time? Why should he change? Is there really nothing she can do to prevent this from happening again and again?
Gene: As for “Who was right?”, I think there is a clear answer. And that’s not what LW wanted. My big tip: Give him 30 minutes longer than he thinks he needs to take a shower, so when he gets out he’ll have time to wrap himself up in a towel and sit down and look at his phone for a bit. . Because you probably want to do it or maybe get sidetracked by something else, so you need to incorporate it.
Joel: Another tip: apologize to your husband. First, about suggesting he should go to therapy for this issue. And for years of your inconsiderate actions that clearly pissed him off, you seemed to care little.
Gene: Well, damn it. Understood!
