Making him feel guilty for turning down sex and expecting him to do all the work are the only two things top sex therapists say you never do in a relationship. That’s one thing.
California-based Vanessa Marin provides unfiltered sex and relationship advice to her nearly 1 million social media followers. In addition to videos about dirty jokes, sexting, and relationship dynamics, Marin often talks about how to spice up the atmosphere and increase intimacy in the bedroom.
In one video, Marin explains what you, as a sex therapist, should not do to your partner.
she writes: caption: “After 20 years in the sex therapy field and working with thousands of couples, there are things we just don’t do in our relationships.”
First, she will never let her husband do all the initiations when it comes to sex “just because he’s a man.”
“No way,” she added.
Although studies show that men generally initiate sex more often than women, Marin says it’s a good idea to mix things up.
Second, she says she never wants to make her husband feel bad if he’s not in the mood for sex.
California-based Vanessa Marin says she won’t let her husband, Xander, do all the sexual initiations “just because he’s a guy.”
Azize Rezayan, a marriage therapist in the Silicon Valley area, says it’s important to respect your partner and give them space. Otherwise, your partner will start to associate sex with negative emotions.
she says: “It’s important to find respect from your partner. If they’re giving you that without making you feel guilty, don’t doubt them.”
“It’s easy to read too much into things, like your partner is cheating on you or isn’t attracted to you, but it’s not a rabbit hole worth going down.
“Recognize that intimacy is more than just sex, and you and your partner may already have a healthy relationship in that area.”
Moving on to her third no-no, Marin says she is never quiet about what she wants in bed for fear of hurting her husband’s feelings.
Suzanne DeJesus-White, a certified counselor, agrees.
She says being able to openly communicate about your sexual needs can help a relationship grow.
She explains: “What’s not a mystery is what happens when couples overcome their hesitation and talk openly about their sexual relationships.
“If you can ask what you want and be clear about what you want your partner to avoid, your chances of enjoying higher levels of sexual and relational satisfaction increase dramatically.”
Communication expert Jennifer Gil Rozier and psychologist James Tyler say discussing sex can have a variety of consequences.
If the conversation goes well, the couple’s sense of intimacy may increase and the communication environment may be improved.
However, if the conversation takes a turn, one of both partners may be offended and a conflict may ensue.
One study enrolled 40 couples in an online sexual coaching training program.
The results showed that practicing sexual communication techniques improved sexual and relationship satisfaction, and participants said they felt less afraid to discuss intimate topics.
Ms. Deges-White suggests talking about sex outside of intimate times and finding a neutral space to discuss things.
Most studies show that data shows that men generally initiate sex more often than women, but Marin says it’s good to mix things up.
She added: “Warn your partner in advance.”
“Tell your partner that you would like to make time to talk about your sexual relationship, and make sure it’s okay when the time comes.
“A lot of self-doubt comes up when a partner wants to discuss relationship issues, but when it comes to sexual performance, it can be especially vulnerable.
“Share that it’s about making things ‘even better’ and don’t stress that it’s about ‘what’s missing.’
“Rather than lamenting that you’re not satisfied, share your desire to enjoy sex that is more satisfying than before.”
Finally, Marin said that if her husband had a performance problem, she would never let him know by “crying” or “pouting.”
Nor did she try to blame her husband for not finding her attractive.
Experts say accusing your partner of not being attracted to you and making them feel guilty will only drive them further apart.
Sarah Makin, a licensed therapist from Pittsburgh, told Psych Central that repeating false accusations can be perceived as controlling behavior and create feelings of resentment.
She explained: “The accused person must plead their case to the satisfaction of their partner, otherwise they will ignore the issue, which will only drive them further apart. ”
Over time, your partner may begin to become emotionally distant from you and the relationship. “To avoid feeling inadequate or like the bad guy,” Malkin warns.
The therapist added in the caption: “If you feel like I mentioned something that you or your partner are currently struggling with, remember to show yourself some kindness. These things are difficult.”
‘for [my husband] It took me, too, many years to understand what a supportive, caring, and responsible relationship looks like for us.
“Remember, you are a team and working together can create a more collaborative and caring relationship.
“Go slowly, patiently, respectfully, and intentionally discussing new boundaries and expectations with your partner. Don’t expect transformative changes overnight.”
