I got diagnosed with a disease and my husband threatened to leave me

Dear Abby

Lifestyle

To Dear Abby

June 17, 2023 | 3:00 AM

Dear Abby: My husband is in another state with his elderly (but still healthy) mother. He went to help her get her house ready for sale so she could move closer to us. Prior to his departure, he had suffered a severe panic attack. He kept saying he was scared of losing me (he hasn’t had a job in months) and that he would need me while he was with her.

After he left, he rarely called, texted very little, and even suggested that I take a break. This was after finding out I had to go to the ER and was diagnosed with a debilitating autoimmune disease. He blames me for having to ask his mother for money to cover our living expenses.

This woman has been single for 30 years, works full time, and has essentially no real spending. She insanely spoils him, her only child. She treats him like a partner or a 12 year old boy. She hates me staying home looking after my 1 year old grandson and not working. I have always contributed, but this is a choice her husband and I have made together.

I don’t think he cares about his relatives here, and it certainly doesn’t feel loved to spend days without checking in. When he’s with her, he ends up being a cold and cocky kid. Any advice on what to say to him? — Uncertainty in Texas

Dear Uncertainty: Tell your husband that his mother needs him more than he needs you and that you want him home now. As it stands, her husband’s fear of losing you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. His mother’s approach does not help the situation, as he becomes more “childlike”. Unless you both get counseling, set some boundaries, set priorities, and are willing to accept the status quo, your marriage won’t last.

Dear Abby: I became friends with “John” when I was nine years old. We met through a common interest in a youth group at our church. I lost touch after a year or so when I stopped attending youth groups and moved on to other friends and interests.

During the pandemic John reached out to me on Facebook trying to rebuild our friendship. To tell you the truth, I don’t really care. It’s been ten years since we last spoke, and I’ve changed a lot in that time. I met him twice to see if there was anything to bond with and there was nothing. He’s a good person, but how can he politely tell you that he doesn’t intend to form adult friendships? Canadian old friend

Dear friend: One way to achieve that is to just keep busy when he reaches out. However, if you feel the need to tell him something, tell him that years ago you had a lot in common, but your life has changed since then. You have great memories, but they are in the past and you live in the present. You have other interests and responsibilities right now and don’t have time for the intimacy he’s looking for. That’s the truth.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby (DearAbby.com) or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).