What to say (and what not to say) to someone who has been sexually assaulted, how to offer support, and organizations that can help
What to say (and what not to say) to someone who has been sexually assaulted, how to offer support, and organizations that can help
You don’t have to be an expert on sexual violence to give a compassionate and supportive listening ear. It may feel like hard work, but the value of being there for the victim is immeasurable. The conversation can be difficult and you should be prepared for victims to express a range of emotions, but there’s some sage advice from Rape Crisis England & Wales: here How to listen: Above all, believe what is said, don’t judge, respect boundaries, and remember that it’s not the other person’s fault.
Image: Gaël Marcel
When you’re ready, Local sexual assault counseling center Survivors’ Association (SARC) is a good place to start. You can get a forensic examination without having to speak to the police, as well as treatment for your injuries, emergency contraception, STI and pregnancy tests. Independent Sexual Violence Advisers offer free, confidential and tailored support on everything from accessing specialist medical care to navigating the justice process. Find a local adviser through the Survivors’ Trust. here. Also, Survivors UKis specifically for men and non-binary people. In the long term, Rape Crisis Community Counseling SupportEquivalent organizations Scotland and Ireland.
Image: SouthWorks
Sexual assault is a crime. By definition, it is any non-consensual sexual act, including sexual intercourse or intentional touching. For those unsure of what consent means and what it isn’t, Citizens Advice provides an explanation: This guidanceIf you’re ready to go to the police, you could ask them to call a specialist Sexual Crime Liaison Officer – if not, the SARC will take both your statement and the forensic evidence, which they can keep in case you want to report the crime at a later date.
Offer to accompany them to appointments or the police station, or arrange a few evenings to spend time with them if they are afraid to be alone. It’s best to ask them what help they need without being judgmental. Remember to be patient and don’t get upset if they decline your kind offer. Allow them to take the lead and don’t pressure them into doing something until they’re ready.
Image: Becca Tapert
Guilt, shame and fear of being judged are just some of the reasons why victims and survivors don’t tell anyone right away what happened to them. That’s why it’s important not to question their motives or ask why they didn’t tell someone sooner. In reality, it can take years for them to open up. Similarly, don’t ask why they didn’t run or fight. It’s normal for someone who has been sexually assaulted to freeze up and be unable to talk. And remember, that’s not your story to tell. Always maintain confidentiality and only share survivor stories with their permission.
Image: Munga Tigani
Main image: Delmaine Donson
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