“Is it crazy that my mother-in-law keeps claiming to be “poisoning” me with her food allergies?”
I am a 32 year old woman and have been in a relationship with a 35 year old man for 10 years. We have a 6 year old child together and since becoming pregnant with this child I have had serious health issues. After giving birth I developed Hashimoto’s Disease and about 2 years after that I developed Celiac Disease.
I have been actively working on my health for the last 4 years since my diagnosis. I have been able to eliminate gluten from my diet for the last 4 years, which has been a big change. My mother in law is a nurse, but she is very stupid and likes to pretend ignorance to avoid responsibility.
For the past 4 years, every time she hosts a dinner party or anything (we have to go to her house), she has contaminated me with gluten. Almost every time. Or…
And she keeps booking restaurants for us, but they’re not gluten-free, so I usually only get to order a drink and a veggie side dish.
Celiac disease is characterized by my immune system producing antibodies that attack gluten, causing inflammation of the lining of my small intestine and damaging the villi, or finger-like projections that absorb nutrients from food.
So eating gluten isn’t just a minor food allergy or like-or-dislike, this is how my body absorbs nutrients, and when that’s severely damaged by gluten, I have to look forward to eating on an IV basis to actually absorb nutrients.
She’s a psychiatric nurse and knows how serious allergies can be. My husband and I forced ourselves to go on family trips, and throughout the trip, they booked gluten-free places for meals or cooked meals with gluten.
His mom was trying to celebrate our recent elopement (trust me, that’s another story) and decided to throw a party. She booked dinner for us, and said she went all the way there because they had gluten free pasta and she was going to cook her own meal for me, etc.
She gave me a big fill-up of gas. I was traveling and had only eaten one thing that day, at 8am, thankfully only chorizo. I got to the restaurant and looked at the food on the table and it was all gluten. Then she came over and said, “Here’s your special Greek salad,” covered in krut.
Then the waitress came to me and said, “We don’t have a gluten free menu. Would you like me to serve you something like grilled chicken?” I said, “Yes,” but I was worried about whether the grilled chicken was clean and if there was bread or wheat around it, so I was afraid to eat it.
Did they wash their hands and use different utensils? I started crying, panicked, ran outside and a trash can hit my vape.
My husband was in the store with his mother and she was very rude to me. When I went back in, my sister in law came up to me and said “hey, I’m 100% sure that the little cake we chose is gluten free and dairy free”.
My mother-in-law was fighting with us and trying to make a vegan cake that is not gluten free, so my husband had to fight for your cake. ” I told her that I was relieved and that I am very grateful to my mother-in-law and brother-in-law and that I don’t understand what happened…
Because my mother-in-law told me that she went to restaurants and tried the food herself, but my sister-in-law said, “No, that’s a lie. She went to the bakery with us and tried the cakes, but she only liked the cakes with gluten in them.”
My mother in law lied to me all the time, lied to my husband, and now my sister in law told me over the holidays that his mother, his mother’s sister and grandmother were “talking bad about” me and misrepresenting my son’s gender to other family members without my knowledge.
So I think she did that on purpose at the wedding reception. I go to therapy but he doesn’t. We had a horrible couples therapist. My therapist keeps asking me “why are you with a man who doesn’t respect you and allows his family to disrespect you and your kids?”
I think it’s time to separate or break up as I’m done with his narcissistic mother who seems to be poisoning me with my own allergies.
When I tell my husband about this he says mean things like “you just hate my family” and “they can’t make mistakes!” I feel like I have no way to protect myself in this family/relationship and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. What should I do?
My mother in law lied to me all the time, lied to my husband, and now my sister in law told me over the holidays that his mother, his mother’s sister and grandmother were “talking bad” about me and misrepresenting my son’s gender to other family members without my knowledge.
So I think she did that on purpose at the wedding reception. I go to therapy but he doesn’t. We had a horrible couples therapist. My therapist keeps asking me “why are you with a man who doesn’t respect you and allows his family to disrespect you and your kids?”
I think it’s time to separate or break up because I’m so sick of his narcissistic mother who seems to be poisoning me with my allergies. When I tell my husband about this he says mean things like “you just hate my family” and “they can’t make mistakes?”
“I feel like I have no way to protect myself in this family or relationship and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. What should I do?”
Here’s what top commentators had to say about it:
Harvey Snake Said:
Your therapist is a dependable presence, because that’s exactly how you should think of them. NTA.
lAhhhh Said:
NTA. Your mother-in-law’s behavior is unacceptable and your husband’s refusal to acknowledge the seriousness of the problem is a huge red flag. It’s your health and your mother-in-law is putting it at risk, whether intentionally or not.
translator Said:
NTA You should report this “nurse” to the ethics committee for deliberately trying to poison you. It’s time to leave your husband who tolerated this and blames you for it.
Okay Said:
I have a seafood allergy, so on the rare occasions that we have seafood meals as a family, my mother-in-law prepares a separate meal for me, using separate utensils to prevent cross-contamination.
One time we had shrimp but her brother forgot, so she went through his freezer and made chicken nuggets for me to eat in peace. This is how you treat people when they care about you. It’s a shame your husband and mother-in-law don’t treat you this way, OP. NTA
Helena Ham Biscuits Said:
NTA, you need to get away from this family. It sounds like your mother in law is actively trying to harm you, and your husband seems to be on her side. And if something were to happen to you, your poor son would have to live with these people forever.
Manufacturer No.6126 Said:
Your therapist is right. Pack your bags and get out. Even your sister in law and brother in law treat you better than your husband and his mother (I often listen to what parents say)
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