Now, an important message from a concerned bear for the National Park Service’s “Fat Bear Week,” which begins Wednesday and ends Oct. 10.
Hello humans, my name is Titus. We are the official spokesperson for the national Bear Coalition, which is dedicated to what we consider a healthier, more active lifestyle.
While we love and appreciate our Alaskan brothers and sisters who participated in this year’s Fat Bear Week in Katmai National Park and celebrate their chubbyness, why is the focus on bears’ chubbyness? , I’m wondering again.
More and more people are avoiding binge drinking and eating before hibernation, choosing instead to exercise moderately. But where is our representation? Why are we ignored while our grumpy friends are celebrated?
Fat Bear Week is great, but there should also be a Fit Bear Week
In the spirit of bear equity, we’re calling for the creation of Fit Bear Week, an engaging online competition for bears from grizzly bears to black bears to polar bears to pandas.
The emergency alert is:Why didn’t the emergency alert turn everyone into zombies? It is really a pity.
For too long, healthy bears have been forced to live in the shade, hiding our training equipment deep in their dens and secret body sculpting during the winter months when the famous fat bears hibernate. I’m hosting a class.
No more. We recently appointed California Grizzly Roarnold Schwarzenbear as President of our fledgling organization, Bears Intent on Getting Rrrrripped (BiGrrrr).
“Look, I can see why there’s so much attention on all the beautiful bears participating in Fat Bear Week,” Schwarzenbear said. “And we have nothing but love for them and their brawling glory. Put some juice in the caboose, Mr. Bear! But we also have a lot of love for ourselves and our commitment to a different kind of bear body. We love you. And we think it’s time for bears to be considered valuable to the National Park Service, because without a platform, we’re going to continue to get noticed.”
We’re bears, we work out, and we’re not going to hide it anymore
BiGrrrr’s president spoke out after a recent 10K race in Montana in which dozens of bears braved the woods to show off their rock-hard glutes and muscular forearms. I said these words.
“Look,” Schwarzenbear growled with a big grin. “I have no problem with the bears stretching their hamstrings in front of me, curling logs. We track our daily steps and watch our salmon intake. Heh, here’s the thing. Don went on a keto diet a few years ago and now that beautiful bear has a six-pack! And you know what? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Don. You are She’s beautiful just the way she is and deserves to be admired just as much as the Alaskan stalwarts that all of humanity continues to admire online.”
We at BiGrrrr don’t want to take attention away from Fat Bear Week. We believe all bears are beautiful. All we ask is the opportunity to show humans what we can offer. Deeply chiseled pectoral muscles. BMI is low. The strong will of not eating the hunter who tripped over a cypress log while chasing him.
Is it a skinny bear or a human?Forget about indicting Trump. We need to worry about China’s human-bear hybrids.
Celebrating fat and healthy bears is the only path to true bear equity
Healthy bears want and deserve time in the sun, and for the sake of fairness and fairness for bears, the nation needs a Healthy Bear Week.
Best of all, it can be held during the winter when the fat bears are sleeping. (We try to stay lean year-round, so we get up regularly and make protein smoothies.)
Anyway, humanity, you have to do CrossFit. Well, fail or die!
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