Dear Amy: My stepfather passed away about five years ago. My in-laws have been married for 45 years.
My mother-in-law is 80 years old and insists on living in her own home.
She expects us to help around the house. Whenever something breaks, needs repair, or needs work, she expects us to take care of the problem.
We both work full time and change shifts every six months.
We have our own home, 4 acres to maintain, 3 horses and 3 dogs to take care of. It's not that we don't want to help. there is no time!
We asked her many times to live with us, but she refused.
She is not independent.
She has never learned to drive, so she has to rely on various friends and neighbors to take her to the shops and doctor's appointments.
We're moving out of state soon and she's coming with us.
For the past five years, I've been telling her that she needs to start cleaning up the house. It's been several months since her move and she hasn't done anything.
We are so busy preparing for our move that between work, property maintenance, animal care, shopping, laundry, and packing the house, we don't have time to pack her things.
I told my husband that he could stay until she cleaned up her place and then I could come back and pick her up.
in trouble!
– Failed in Texas
Dear Frustrated: Your life is very stressful.
It's a shame that you can't take care of an elderly person by taking care of a dog or horse, but certainly considering the huge burden on yourself, you might be able to understand what it's like to pack and move for an 80-year-old woman. Always much less than you.
It took your mother-in-law 5 years to start this process and it's not happening at all. And yes, this inaction may be her fault, but it still hasn't happened.
Your ultimatum sounds reasonable out of your mouth, at least if you set up and oversee the sorting and packing process for your mother-in-law. Your stress may be reduced. You are definitely aware that if you don't, you'll be doing this from a distance, which will put her and you in even more stressful situations in the future.
There are people who are good at this tough job, and in exchange for a commission on selling some of the items in your home, they'll help you organize, store, throw away, and sell your belongings. Masu.
Having a professional outside of your family help you with this very difficult task makes it easier for everyone. For recommendations, contact your local Office on Aging or search for “Aging Transition Services” in your area.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are both in our 70s.
We and most of our friends are a bit forgetful.
However, I have a friend who keeps asking the same question over and over again during conversations.
For example, that friend might ask a question about a mutual friend's health, then ask essentially the same question again two minutes later.
This is just one example of many in the conversation.
My question is: Should you just smile and repeat your answer, or should you tell your friend that you seem to be forgetting things more and that you're worried?
Is there another solution?
–E
Dear E: If your friend has a partner or family member close to them, you should contact them to raise your concerns. Anyone in close contact with your friend should accompany you for the test and evaluation.
For now, you have to deal with repeated questions by exercising patience and answering the questions again. “You've already heard that, right? You've already heard that,” he says, nudging the other person. don't you remember? ” This could lead to further confusion.
Dear Amy: “Concerned Grandma” has a son who had a child while still in high school. Thank you for suggesting that this young father should pursue legal custody rather than the current informal arrangement.
Some states offer free “clinics” to help parents navigate this process. Young fathers should also attend parenting classes to show their dedication.
And yes, he should be on birth control!
– Gratitude
With gratitude: I was so impressed by the dedication of the entire family to this baby.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or Facebook. )
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
