Dear Annie: I’m a 45-year-old man who has gone through many traumatic events in the past, including abuse too bad to name. My problem is that I was treated so badly growing up that I never learned to feel. In order to survive, I had to suppress everything I was feeling and disconnect from my emotions and body.
I’m an adult and have been seeking spiritual help for nearly 17 years, but I still can’t connect to anything within myself. This has led to broken relationships and job loss. I live every day on a plain of numbness, still believing that I am worthless and unworthy of receiving anything from anyone. It includes kindness, love, assistance, and gifts.
I’ve seen 5 therapists and as many psychiatrists. No one can diagnose or help in any way. They all came up empty-handed and told me I should seek help from a “better person” without any introduction or suggestion as to who I should talk to.
As a result, I began to distrust the world of psychotherapy.
All I want is to live a “normal” life and not let anyone run away from it. — numb and lost
Dear numb and lost, Thank you for contacting us. First, no one lives a “normal” life. Everyone has things. But what you want is freedom from pain. It’s a shame that you had to endure all kinds of abuse. No person or child should ever do that. The question is, how do you recover from it?
Congratulations on trying to find help. It sounds like the five therapists you saw probably have no trauma training. Why not look for a somatic therapist? Somatic therapy is a type of therapy that helps treat post-traumatic stress by releasing physical sensations that occur in daily life. Rather than just talking about it and reliving the trauma over and over again, a therapist starts with your body and works from the inside out. I recommend reading the book Waking the Tiger by Dr. Peter Levine. Another great book for trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Both can be great resources for feeling better. It’s easy in inches, but difficult in yards.
Please send any questions about Annie Lane to [email protected].
