This column originally appeared in 2021.
Dear Annie: My husband passed away in April after suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease for many years. I was his caregiver for over a year, working with hospice. It was very difficult for me. Since his death, I have felt lost, depressed, and anxious.
My entire family has died so I have very little support system. I am at home and grieving terribly. I have suffered from depression for years. Now my depression and anxiety have become so strong that it is out of control. I cannot take my medication correctly and it is very difficult to say the least.
I want to get a job that will allow me to get out of the house and interact with people, but every time I think about looking for a job, I get really stressed out. I have a lot of worries, and I even had trouble with some of the questions I was asked in interviews when I was looking for a job.
I just want to get back to a normal life. My husband was always there for me when I was going through hard times, but now he’s gone. I’ve never felt this anxious before, but it’s getting worse and worse. Before, I thought I was just nervous. Any advice? — Grieving Widow
To the grieving widow: My heartfelt condolences. It’s natural to feel sad and anxious. You have just lost your partner and best friend. Talking to yourself harshly about your anxiety won’t help you. Instead, praise yourself for being a great wife to your husband. Taking the right medication and getting the right therapist to support you is crucial during this difficult transitional period of your life. Take it one day at a time.
Once you’ve received proper treatment for your anxiety and depression, and joined a grief support group, you can start to feel better. Eventually, it’s quite possible that you’ll find a job that will help you “get back to some semblance of normalcy.” But you have to learn to walk before you can run.
Dear Annie: Our grandson is getting married at a resort that can only accommodate 40 guests, and his wife has decided that he needs to invite friends, not family, but her family will be invited, too.
It hurts because we are his only living grandparents. We are not estranged from him and see him occasionally.
I haven’t even received a notice. My husband thinks I shouldn’t send a gift. I don’t know how to deal with this. –Hurt Grandmother
To the hurt grandmother: The bride is practicing double standards by alienating her grandson’s family. This is not a happy life. It’s natural that you’re hurt. In the end, it’s her decision to make. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to send a gift. If you’re touched and want your grandson to have something to take to his wedding day, then by all means, don’t be mean and send him a gift.
Questions for Annie Lane? [email protected].
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