Dear Abby: Untreated mental illness leaves uncle powerless to mend family rift

Dear Abby: I am estranged from my nephew and am sorry that our relationship has deteriorated. We live in different states. He suffers from mental illness and refuses treatment.

As a respected professional at work and at home, I am saddened by my nephew’s aggressive and degrading behavior towards me both in public and private. How can we move forward on the path of reconciliation? And how can we decide that self-defense is the only rational course of action? — Sad Uncle from Florida

Dear Uncle: You are fortunate to be geographically separated from your mentally ill nephew. It’s not up to you to make amends with him. Until he receives psychiatric treatment for his illness, his behavior will not moderate and there will be no reconciliation. In such cases, self-defense is the most rational course of action.
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Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I received a generous gift card to our favorite restaurant from my brother and sister-in-law. The four of us are planning to have dinner together there next week. I have a question regarding etiquette when using such gift cards. Should I use it that night or not plan on using it? If we use it and have any left over, will I have to pay towards my brother’s bill? Either way he won’t care. I know I don’t mean to offend, but I’m interested in the “right” way to deal with this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. — Wandering in the South

Dear Friends: If my email is any indication, some people get angry when the person they’re splitting the bill with uses a gift card instead of a credit card or cash. That’s why it never hurts to ask your attendees that question before you go to a restaurant.