Life has been a fairy tale for Stephen Dashiell and his wife Alexis. The two met at a mutual friend’s birthday party in 2011 and instantly hit it off.
“We had a lot in common. We liked the same things, we thought the same way. It was really easy and natural,” Stephen said. newsweek.
In the early stages, the pair had to work over long distances. Stephen was in Pittsburgh and Alexis lived with her parents in New Jersey. But after some back and forth, Alexis gave him an ultimatum.
Stephen Dashiell
“She said, ‘What’s wrong, you idiot?’ She gave me a list of all the great qualities she has and what she brings to the table. And she… “I said, ‘You’ll never be able to do a better job than me.’ In my mind, I thought, ‘She’s right,'” Stephen recalled.
Once the marriage was official, Stephen moved to New Jersey and proposed to the then 28-year-old. After deciding that life in the state was not for them, the couple moved back to Stephen’s hometown and started their life together.
They had a rich social life with lots of friends and grew up dressing up and going to clubs. Realizing this change in their lives, the couple decided that they were ready to start a family.
“Right now we’re looking terrible because we just turned down all the invitations. At least if we have kids, we can say they will, we have to stay home,” Stephen said. joked.
Alexis became pregnant earlier than expected in November 2012 and Stephen said: newsweek That her pregnancy was perfect. It was an exciting time for the couple, filled with seeing family and friends at the various baby showers planned for Alexis.
Stephen explained that his wife had never struggled with poor mental health. “She was the voice of reason, the girl that I and my friends and family would confide in. You would bring your problems to her because she would have the right answers,” he said.
Alexis gave birth to her daughter Adriana in August 2013, but what happened in the delivery room affected them for weeks afterward.
Stephen Dashiell
After a few more contractions, Alexis finally felt the urge to strain. Stephen recalled that her doctor told Alexis that the baby wouldn’t be born for another two hours and that she would have to have a high-risk pregnancy before Alexis could give birth.
Alexis told Stephen that she couldn’t wait and felt she had to try now. “We were both screaming, but no one came,” Stephen said.
Suddenly, Alexis was classified as a Code Blue birth, where either the mother or the baby’s life is at risk. What doctors didn’t realize was that the umbilical cord was wrapped around Adriana’s neck, and when they came out, she wasn’t breathing.
After an agonizing wait, Adriana began crying, bringing a sense of relief to her new parents.
“When I saw my wife in bed, she was so frightened by what had just happened. Her eyes were completely cloudy and it was like something had changed in that moment and she was never the same again. ” Stephen said.
From the day Adriana was born, making decisions became impossible for Alexis. First she questioned whether she had chosen the best name for her daughter, then the design of the children’s room at home and whether the child seat was appropriate.
“She started having second thoughts about herself and her ability to care for her daughter, and this downward spiral started,” Stephen said.
Stephen Dashiell
“She was completely separated from Adriana, and then she slowly moved away from everything she loved and cared about, including the puppy, who was our world before Adriana,” he said. . newsweek.
Stephen explained that Alexis thought she couldn’t do anything right, even though it was actually her dream to become a mother. “She truly believed that her first act as a mother was to harm her daughter,” he added.
Two weeks after Adriana was born, Stephen and Alexis visited the doctor for Alexis’ anxiety, where she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder due to a traumatic birth and was cleared for postpartum depression. He was prescribed Zurzvae, the only oral medication available.
Alexis was reluctant to take the prescribed medication, even though Stephen and her family reassured her that she needed it to feel better. Over time, doctors taught Alexis coping strategies to calm her anxiety, such as counting backwards from 100 to zero and distracting her mind from the cause.
Stephen didn’t realize how bad the situation was until they were in the car on the way home from their appointment, but Alexis suggested they find adoptive parents for Adrianna. “That’s when I realized it was much more serious than I had imagined. She was just a shell of the person I knew and loved,” he added.
Alexis started taking medication, but Stephen said: newsweek that her mental state had deteriorated. The couple visited seven different hospitals and “every crisis center that would see us.” It got to the point where I couldn’t leave Alexis alone.
After several months of seeing various doctors and mental health professionals, even though Alexis told him he was threatening to harm himself, Stephen felt at a loss. Stephen remembered someone’s words. “A woman like her would never commit suicide poorly. A woman like her would never want anyone to remember that she wasn’t at her best.”
“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe him. Sure enough, I was married to the only woman like her,” Stephen said.
Stephen Dashiell
Alexis took her own life in October 2013, just six weeks after giving birth to Adrianna. Stephen tried to resuscitate her, but doctors said there was “no way” she could survive.
In the weeks following her death, Stephen decided to make it his mission to ensure that something like this never happened again, and was determined to build a legacy for Adriana to carry on in her mother’s name.
The Joy Alexis Foundation supports women and their families suffering from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. As the foundation’s president, Stephen’s goal is to reduce the number of suicides among women in the United States during pregnancy or within the first year after giving birth.
Adriana, now 11 years old, is his main goal. “I want to be able to take care of my mother no matter where I am,” he said.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, texting 988 to 741741, or visiting 988lifeline.org Please contact.
