1. When it was finally announced last week, the Osene Pic Stadium in Houston, Texas was a third of its original size.
Initially it was circular and designed to have a capacity of 100,000. But now it’s lozenge-shaped, with a maximum capacity of 30,000, meaning 60,000 if everyone shares a seat. Sadly, cracks and wrinkles are already beginning to appear on the exterior walls.
2. The main stages of the stadium are also shadows of the former self. “We designed it for our annual ceremony with the Houston Film Awards in mind,” revealed Skinny Jefferson, architect who was previously Tabby Jefferson. “But then, all Houston movie stars recognized half the weight of half the weight they had since last year, so they had to expand a bit.”
3. Five years ago, the average New York police officer weighed 26 koku. This year, he weighs seven and a half stones thanks to Ozempic and other weight loss treatments.
This has resulted in a rapid increase in crime prevention. “Currently, 20 officers can fit a lift designed for up to six people,” says Fred Burley, 49, the detective chief.
4. Meanwhile, the NYPD has called for 100 officers to block the streets during rally and demonstrations. As a result, 25 people were taking it. As a result, they called on veteran demonstrators to offer free ozempics.
5. Disney’s proposed Humpty Dumpty Story film has been updated to consider the weight loss jab. Slimpty Dimply has a visible hip, and her neck splits her head from his body.
6. Filming is underway for the latest remake of the 1975 classic hit Jaws. The new plot line includes sharks swimming up and down the coast of Amity Island, avoiding all bathers with the word “thank you.”
Sharks look self-righteous when fed with a strange bit of plankton, but those on holiday look much older behind their backs. Jaw: Size Zero is available in cinemas this summer.
Five years ago, the average New York police officer weighed 26 koku. This year, he weighs seven and a half thanks to Ozempic and other weight loss treatments.
LL cabbage patch dolls are cut in half and repackaged, making them more attractive for today’s slim kids
Disney’s proposed Humpty Dumpty Story film has been updated to consider the weight loss jab. Slimpty Dimply has a visible hip, and the neck splits his head from his body
7. Experts have detected subtle changes in some of the recent superhero remakes. The incredible matchstick (2024) includes a new superhero that can squeeze under the unopened door, hiding behind a broom to surprise enemies.
Chasing the villain, teenage mutant spindry turtles often tend to trip when their pants slip off. The Conan the Vegetarian tackles raw carrots, and his warriors turn to praise.
8. Meanwhile, under the influence of Ozempic, the males of X became O-male, and there was a new cast of superheroes.
9. Many classic toys have also been updated. The manufacturer placed the label on the space hopper, warning that it should be blown down to half its normal size for safety. All cabbage patch dolls are cut in half and repackaged, making them even more attractive to today’s slim kids.
10. The expression “xylophone chest” is created to describe the state of a Hollywood star that has lost so much fat, with the upper rib cage visible. Other musical expressions in development include “flute legs,” “drumstick arms,” and “penny whistlenecks.”
11. Possible side effects of weight loss medications are said to include diarrhea, belching and vomiting. Ozempic’s VIP package includes free clothing pegs for your closest and most loved ones.
12. The Football Association is developing plans to reduce the size and shape of regulated football. “For too long, average football has been a role model for the young Tabby,” says its president.
“This has led to obesity matches between school children and teens, so we suggest that football will become more like a rugby ball and present a more attractive person.
