I know what she’s going through isn’t about me, but I feel like asking this question is a real narcissist in itself. But she wants to be there for her and I feel pushed away. Should I drop the topic altogether, or should she let me contact her when she feels like it?
Pushed Aside: ask her that. She talks to you enough to tell you that she’s waiting for news on a particular day. That way, she will be able to ask for specific guidance without putting another emotional burden on her. Is it okay to check in on that day, or should she wait a day?” Be clear, be brief, don’t have hard feelings, and be open to anything for an answer. It is also a loving and worthy role.
· When my mother almost died of cancer, I had one friend who was no help. The best way I can explain it is that her reaction was not aligned with mine. She will (in my view) react abnormally when I want calm, clinical, or refreshing. I just didn’t feel like I had the ability or energy to explain it to her, so I simply relied more on her other friends. Your realization is true that you know it’s not about you. Please don’t let that happen.
· I myself am an in vitro fertilization patient, so I think there are many people who are worried about how much I should tell them. I’d love to know the details because it’s so annoying, but when the day comes to get the information one day, I might not want to share it… especially if the answer is positive, like it’s jinxing myself Because it can look, and if you’ve been doing this for too long, the good news doesn’t seem real. And sometimes the answer is “maybe”, which is also difficult for people to explain the situation.
Follow Carolyn’s advice and ask your friends for advice. If you want to learn a little more, there are many places where you can learn more about IVF. I love the podcast “Matt & Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure”. These go beyond mere information to really contextualize what real humans go through in this attrition process.
Thank you for asking about how to be a better friend. The world needs more people sensitive to this issue. Because there are a lot of ignorant and thoughtless comments out there. I had my therapist literally say, “I have a lot of babies who need homes.” Not the point, not even the truth. you are doing a good job in the world
