Dear Eric: I read your letter from “Sunnyside.” Her mother is worried and calls her many times a day, and if she doesn’t answer, she calls a friend in Sunnyside. My husband and I have both been in similar situations with older relatives. What I recommend is that she and her mother set up a time each day to talk. For example, every day at 7pm (or whenever is convenient). That way, Sunnyside knows when to mentally prepare for the call, and her mother knows when to be sure she’ll be able to reach her.
It also reduces calls to just one a day, which is plenty. Sunnyside can also prepare himself a cup of tea for a call or something to distract himself from the doom and gloom he knows is coming. Another suggestion is to make sure the mother is socially engaged with other people so she doesn’t have to rely so much on conversations with Sunnyside. Is there a senior center nearby that offers activities she can participate in? Some senior organizations send visitors to people who can’t go out. I think working on this will be helpful for everyone. That was the case for us.
– Happy Reader
Happy Readers: Thank you for this suggestion. The great thing about this is that it gives both the letter writer and the mother a tool to help manage expectations.
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