My closest family and friends are understanding of the issue, but it’s still embarrassing, especially when it happens with people I don’t know well or in public.
When I’m talking to people, should I start the conversation by warning them that if I start coughing, I may have to interrupt the conversation by hanging up the phone or walking away until the fit passes? If so, how should I explain this? I don’t want to share my medical history and I don’t want people to think I’m sick or contagious.
Full of curiosity: Everyone’s body does weird things sometimes. It’s a shame that your body is doing something that’s causing social anxiety. We understand that a persistent cough may invite questions, comments, and other unfavorable reactions, especially as the world deals with the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. There’s nothing wrong with coughing. It’s a matter of figuring out how to best take care of yourself and your community.
For peace of mind, try saying something like, “Just to be clear, I have a medical condition that makes me cough from time to time. It’s not contagious and there’s nothing to be worried about, but I don’t want to seem rude if I have to leave suddenly. Thank you for your understanding.”
You don’t have to do this, but it may help you feel less anxious or sensitive about the issue.
When you tell people about your cough, think of it not as an apology for having a body, but as information that can help make the conversation a more welcoming, less stressful experience.
Dear Eric: A young couple in my neighborhood confided in me that their daughters had recently heard that their out-of-town uncle had exposed himself to them during a visit. The parents were shocked and unsure of how to respond, so they asked me for my advice. They worry that they may need to contact child protective services or the police, but this is a very beloved uncle, and they don’t want to ruin his career or his family. The uncle is married, works in the medical field, and occasionally has children as clients.
They feel that taking any formal steps could cause a lot of chaos. However, some family members are urging them to report it. They want to find a way to protect their daughters first and tell the uncle that they will never allow him to be alone with their daughters again. This is causing discord in the family. How should they handle this situation?
Neighbor: Please report it. I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to take action now to protect these children, and any others that he may come into contact with. Depending on where you live, it may actually be required by law.
You can find more information and get information on where to report in your state in the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s state law database. RAINN also has specific steps to help parents go through this emotionally stressful process, including letting children know that what happened was not their fault and that you intend to report it, and practicing self-care as parents go through the process.
An investigation will now begin. This is not a trial or a sentence. Our thoughts often snowball into possible outcomes and we become overwhelmed. By telling authorities what they know, these parents are fulfilling their duty to their children and entrusting trained professionals with the next steps.
Professionals use a trauma-informed process to determine what happened and determine next steps. It may be painful to think that a loved one is suffering the consequences of their actions, but if parents hide this information, they take it upon themselves to administer justice. That is not the parents’ job; their job is to listen and protect their children. Tell your parents to resist feedback that “ruins your uncle’s career” or chastises them for making this more than a “family problem.” If his behavior is as described, then he did it himself.
The children need advocates. The uncle needs help. Parents can call 1-800-656-HOPE to receive trained guidance from RAINN 24/7. Encourage your parents to do so today.
(Please send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram Sign up for our weekly newsletter Source.
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