Last year, I took Sienna to my daughter’s annual big family gathering. It was very meaningful. We felt welcomed (or so we thought). But this year, everything changed. I received an email from her daughter inviting me to a party, but it wasn’t Sienna. I emailed back, “What about Siena?” She replied that some members of her husband’s family were uncomfortable with Siena’s presence.
Here’s the “kicker”… Sienna contracted polio a long time ago (as a child) and her legs were completely paralyzed. She uses a long leg brace and aluminum forearm crutches to walk. We heard that “some” of last year’s participants were “worried” about tripping over young children running around, but we don’t believe that was the real reason.
At a party last year, someone asked Sienna if she had been vaccinated against polio as a child. She responded that her mother would not allow her to receive the polio vaccine. She explained it this way: “There have been some crazy anti-vaxxers since way back.” Apparently, there are some anti-vaxxers in my son-in-law’s family (at least one of hers). And Sienna’s comment must have pissed off one or more of them. Or maybe you just don’t like being around people with disabilities.
We are fine with not attending the party, but do you think we should discuss Sienna’s “expulsion” with our daughter, or should we ignore it to ensure peace with the in-laws? mosquito? Sienna is convinced that we (I) should let it go. What do you think?
to be decided: You can ask your daughter more specifically about “Siena” being expelled from the house because of this event. (Maybe the in-laws who are against vaccines are also too sensitive, afraid, or angry to face the resulting reality of a world without vaccinations?)
Your daughter may not admit that there is one or more “anti-vaccine crazy people” in her husband’s family, but if your daughter’s relationship with your partner is I think it helps to figure out how open you are. Since you and Sienna are together, Sienna will (basically) join your daughter’s family. The same dynamic that you want to keep the peace with her in-laws also applies to your daughter, who should show kindness towards your partner.
You should listen to your daughter when you ask her about this. And assuming that her daughter does not give a satisfactory answer, you and Sienna should stay at home together on this day, then you should let it go.
Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I are in our late 20s. Her grandfather recently passed away and inherited $500,000. This was a complete surprise. In addition to of course missing her grandfather and being grateful for his generosity, we are excited about this unexpected gift.
My girlfriend wants to retire early. She thinks this will change her life and we are discussing how best to spend it. We agreed to share this dilemma with you.
Blessed: Thank you for trusting me. You should trust your qualified financial advisor even more. My response is, “This is not the kind of money your girlfriend dreams of.” It’s yours.
One way this serendipity might be “life-changing” is by closely observing your girlfriend’s reaction to it. Instead of thinking about how you will spend this money, you should think about how you will invest it or save it. While this is a significant amount of money, it’s still nowhere near what someone your age would need to retire. (However, if you feel like it, you may be able to live comfortably in your first home. It may be a good investment for you.)
Dear Amy: Response to “Confused parents” About claiming A’s and B’s in college, we have three adult children. We also agreed to the rules for paying university fees.
Our rules are: You must pass your classes in order to continue paying your ongoing tuition fees. You also need to graduate from college by age 30, and our participation is only open to bachelor’s degrees. They all feel it’s fair and are happy that they all earned their degrees as of this spring.
I am proud: Congratulations everyone!
© 2024 Written by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
