I believe mental illness is just like physical illness and should not be a reason to end a relationship. However, I am mentally exhausted these days. His negativity and victim mentality drags me down and drains me of any positivity I have in my life.
His bad attitude and refusal to take any responsibility is too much for me to handle. He doesn’t believe in therapy and he thinks the bad experiences he’s endured are his own. I’m not in love anymore He is not open to changing his attitude or seeking help from a mental health professional.
If he’s always been nice to me, is it wrong to break up with him just because I can’t stand his depression and negativity? When will it be a reason?
on the fence: You have a caring attitude towards your boyfriend.
“Disbelief” in cures for trauma is like disbelief in antibiotics for treating raging infections. Therapy is not a practice of faith. it’s a cure. Care for deeply wounded hearts. In your situation, you would leave the relationship not because of your boyfriend’s mental illness, but because he refused to seek treatment.
I think your presence in his life is positive and helpful, but it is your destiny to sacrifice and take away your own spirit to support someone who refuses to try to get it back. should not be
You may ask yourself: Is your presence helping him heal? Has his situation improved? For you? Or are your codependencies holding you back?
Therapy is definitely sought after—I highly recommend it to you.
dear amy: Reading the column, it seems that there are many people who have been dating for more than 40 years and get divorced. This tendency to divorce after a long marriage makes me very afraid of getting married.
I have been in a great relationship for the past 4 years and will talk about marriage after school. But after 40 years, I still have terrible fears of getting divorced.
How can I stop feeling this way? I know 40 years is still a long way off, but it’s very scary. After being with someone for so long, I can’t imagine living alone.
My boyfriend and I have great communication and that’s what matters most to me. We don’t go to bed angry or listen to each other when we’re upset or happy. But how can I stop this feeling of anxiety?
got scared: Please keep in mind that those who write to me share their problems. This is not a statistical predictor of prospects.
I don’t want to scare you any further, but here’s what awaits you in the next 40 or so years. Illness, loss, grief, grief, exhaustion, confusion, anger, sadness.
Also notice happiness, joy, beauty, light and loveliness.
It’s what life is all about. This is what Poe called “the heat of life.”
When you marry someone, you literally dive in. Good sense may hold you back. But remember, fear is the worst reason not to take the leap.
keep talking. As long as you do, you’ll be fine.
dear amy: “I was touched by the question fromstill grieving,” your response. This man was surrounded by slow clutter, which, as you pointed out, was a reaction to his grief.
retired: I have received many offers of personal assistance with ‘Still Griving’. I do not intend to connect readers directly, but I hope that their generosity will encourage and inspire them.
©2022 Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency
