IMy article, “What I Learned as a Moderator of the Antidepressant Taper Support Group,” explained that I worked with a psychiatrist as a licensed clinical social worker at a psychiatrist hospital for 18 years and had not heard a word about withdrawal. Then I tried to leave the cymbalta and all hell slowly broke.
I was taped from 60 mg to 8 months in 2019 and was so seriously blamed for delayed Akathisia, so if the drug revival didn’t work, I had plans to end my life. (Akathisia can be a side effect of medication and withdrawal symptoms. This is a cluster of very disastrous physical symptoms and overwhelming fear, a much worse sense of fear than anxiety.) Recovery healed Akathisia.
When I wrote the previous article, I was 3 microbeads (0.81 mg) from a cymbalta. I spent the next 12 months tapering from the last three microbeads. I held the last beads for six months. It felt completely normal throughout the taper, including the last microbeads. Six months later I stopped taking that last bead and felt completely normal for 4 months. There are no withdrawal symptoms.
With four months mark of completely out of drugs, I shed tears when I praised the manager for the kindness of Bagboy. Crazy Lady in Aisle 12. I didn’t want to believe it was an imminent warning sign of Akashisia. Maybe I felt overwhelmed by the feelings of the child’s kindness, but it wasn’t acacia. I entertained the idea for 24 hours and then did something wise to revive one microbead.
It was my only warning that Akathisia was coming in 2020 after composing someone and tapered too quickly for 8 months. I didn’t know what that meant, but this time I did. Considering I was stable with the last microbeads of tapered for six months, I thought it was enough to keep Akathisia at bay. It worked a week and Akathisia was a hit in vengeance.
When I start to sleep, my body wakes up as if sleep is dangerous. I felt like I was shaking inside. I couldn’t eat the food. I gave myself a soup and smoothie. My arms felt like they were burning – not painful, but hot and thorny (this burning sensation is called parasensory abnormality). In the hole in my stomach was a fire ball sending the electric shard of fear. The fire ball and the burning thing on my arm went back and forth in waves of fear. While lying on the bed, my pulse was 160 bpm.
The fiery, intense fear and inner shaking were overwhelming. All I could do was lay in a bed clinging to my sane white knuckles, as if the little dinghy in the middle of the ocean was too big for my fragile boat, bombarded with no hope of rescue.
I was stable for 6 months with one microbead at the end of the tapered. Why wasn’t it enough now? I didn’t know how much to revive and was afraid to take too much. I’ve been reading recently that the dose for late recovery should be a few milligrams. I went to 2.7 mg.
I was two months later when I returned late for Akathisia. Well, after five years of taper, I was four months later. I emailed two famous taper experts when 2.7 mg didn’t help, but it was unavailable. I didn’t know who else to contact.
Then I had a flash of genius. I remembered an interview with Dr. Stuart Sipko about the American Mud. In an interview, he said he wouldn’t be able to open the tapered center. I found his phone number on Google and left a message to him. He called within an hour.
My original dose is 60 mg and he said, in his experience, people need to resume the full 60 mg dose. He knew there was information floating around the tapered support group, but that only low doses should be restored for later recovery, which he recommended. He also said people were successful in canceling drugs and two years after suffering from long-term withdrawal.
He gave me the confidence to go from 2.7 mg to 30 mg. (During the first late recovery in 2020, 40 mg made a much worse “active” acacia symptoms so I didn’t want to jump to 60 mg any time soon). The next day I increased it to 40 mg, which is what I’ve stabilized. Thank you to Dr. Shipco forever. I believe he saved my life.
Recovery requires very careful attention. Too much can worsen the symptoms, but too little will not cure acacia. I read that reinstatement in the later period has been a failure for many. Because it exacerbates their withdrawal symptoms. They have to abort in an attempt to recover and are stuck in long-term acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).
The amount I took first, even the one microbead I first resurrected, made my symptoms even worse, but it calmed for over 24 hours. That’s how I knew recovery was working. Are some people abandoning to try and recover prematurely? The increased intensity of symptoms with every dose is very scary and it’s a scary week trying to find the right dose, and it’s hard to explain that I knew I was hanging there as I got so sick until my new symptoms stabilized for three weeks each day.
One indicator of improvement was the time between burns. There was a long stretch without burning, and then one day it was the last time I had to train myself for a surge in fiery agitation.
The words fail to explain Akaticia’s fear and whether or not the return will work while trying to stabilize. Dr. Shipco’s experience with recovery and his advice was invaluable to me, but there is no guarantee. Everyone’s brains are completely unpredictable.
I’ve dived deep into the world of antidepressant tapering and withdrawal over the past six years, but I know too much. Akathisia knows that last year, or can be permanent. Given the intensity of my symptoms and total incompetence, I was in a bed in a dark room for years and barely able to walk to the toilet if I kept trying to taper. I could not endure such pain. I am one of those who can never leave antidepressants.
Also, trying to switch brands will result in withdrawal, but I don’t know if the brain will eventually accept new brands and stabilize. My brain and my life depend on Indian pharmaceutical companies, staying in business and producing common duloxetine until the day I die. A few months ago, Eli Lily announced that she had stopped making the name cymbalta brand. For people like me who can’t switch brands, this is a crisis and should be illegal. Awful and unexpected things these drugs can have than people’s lives.
Symptoms of Akathisia vary from person to person. My acacia symptoms that scared me the most were fatigue. I was ill with encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) with myaldymic disease. I have been ineffective for 10 years. Constant deep fatigue, flu-like symptoms, and mal lazy feeling that I can’t explain have left me asleep for years. Over the past three years, I have found ways to alleviate my symptoms. By avoiding stress and going back to sleep multiple times and getting 10-12 hours of sleep, I no longer have flu-like symptoms. I don’t have the energy to walk and I’m basically tied up in my house so I have to leave the house using an electric wheelchair, but now I feel like I’m dying.
It is common for me/CFS patients to lie in bed for 20 years and continue to get worse. Illness has no rhyme or reason, so protecting my condition is my number one priority. Despite having a disease that had been deeply exhausted over the years, when I first ate Akashia in 2020, I didn’t feel anything like fatigue. It felt like there was a weight of lead tied to my hands and feet and a ton of concrete pushing me down. I was barely able to stand and walk.
I know someone who has this fatigue. Her akaticia was healed in six months, but a few weeks later she was exposed to deep fatigue. She feels like she’s having a hard time walking through the mud, and has been mostly lying down for the past six years, allowing her to do what she absolutely needs before she collapses into bed again. She discovered that this long-term withdrawal symptoms can be called “central nervous system fatigue.” I simply couldn’t go back to that life. I know life from my illness. I’m not alive.
Research shows that antidepressant withdrawal can last a year and destroy life. Some people can get off the medicine, but others like me – they have no choice but to revive it after suffering the terrible retreat effect.
I’ve been in cymbalta for 17 years and realize that five years of taper didn’t release the medicine. Luckily, there are no miserable side effects. I can’t say I’m taking that. Excludes one-sided effects. I have a huge appetite and yearn for carbs. This has gradually intensified over the past few years. He gained 56% and 70 pounds. I’m overweight. My very sedentary lifestyle and age of 68 certainly contribute to my weight gain, but in the past I didn’t have to eat another full dinner before going to bed or eat again in the middle of the night. I can’t sleep because I’m hungry and sleep is essential to maintaining my illness, flu-like symptoms.
My appetite is the monkey on my back, the monster in my stomach, demanding satisfaction, and I am entitling it. I’ve read that antidepressants can interfere with signals from the stomach to the brain, telling the brain that it’s full. Again, if this is my worst side effect, I am lucky. Some people have serious side effects from psychiatric drugs, but even a little tapering can cause strong withdrawal symptoms and can’t lower them. They are trapped in living hell. They both have debilitating side effects, sometimes causing physiological damage and suffering with withdrawal symptoms.
Drug duration is also not a reliable indicator of whether someone will withdraw, or how serious the withdrawal will be. I wondered whether 12 years of taking medication when I first started taper was part of the reason I accused myself of not being able to leave it and waiting for so long. Some sources say that many years of drug use have struggled to stop it. Still, I know that as a moderator, I have been in a tapered support group and have taken drugs in a short amount of time and have experienced serious withdrawals.
In response to comments I made on their Facebook page, Outro (the tapered service provided by Mark Horowitz and Adele Framer) stated: In my experience, some people endure years of withdrawal after short-term use, not months.
I want people to hope that a safe taper of less than 10% per month can be successful for them. For many people, that’s probably the case. Sadly, I know that my story will scare anyone thinking about starting a taper. However, I feel that it is important to know the risks like me. People like me can’t experience stopping drugs completely and suffering from retreat.
I tried it. Unless I had tried it, there was no way to know if I could get off my medications well. It could have been successful for many people. You don’t know unless you’ve tried it.
