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Many couples find value in identifying and discussing love language, but the term is no excuse for disrespectful behavior. this poopr Editorwho are currently battling cancer and Her boyfriend’s unrealistic expectations of “acts of service” in their relationship as she undergoes grueling chemotherapy.
On the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit, user @Felfeyyy provided some context. She (31F) has a rare cancer called synovial sarcoma and she has been undergoing regular chemotherapy since January. “I work eight hours a day, five days a week, every three weeks at a cancer center,” she wrote. fatigue is the main cause.”
The night before her latest chemo cycle, @Felfeyyy’s boyfriend (24M) asked her if she would prepare a week’s worth of meals for him. she hesitated. last thing Anyone wearing her shoes should feel obligated to cook for another full-grown adult. approached his request cautiously.
“I said it was up to me, but I thought it would be better to go within a week and a half when I felt better from this chemotherapy cycle,” she explained. I kept asking if I could ‘try’ and never said no. To be honest, at this time in my life, I’m starting to get upset because I’d rather be pampered and cared for than forced to do chores. It wasn’t that he was asking for one meal. After being in the hospital for 10 hours, he wanted a week’s worth of food that I made.
@Felfeyyy’s rebuttal was even more understandable given her boyfriend’s lifestyle. absolutely I have time to cook for myself.
“I think what he’s saying is that he wants to be taken care of too,” she continued. Whenever he’s at my house, I offer him the food I have on hand, and depending on the day, I cook him a meal or make him a sandwich. I give him a massage and ask him about himself and his life. In other words, our whole life is not about me and my illness.(for the record, their entire lives it was For her illness it is perfectly valid. Cancer is hell, and anyone afflicted with this disease deserves plenty of care and attention.)
But her BF was furious when @Felfeyyy defended herself. “He blew me away by saying that acts of service were his love language and that our relationship was one-sided,” she wrote. Now she thinks she might be AH here for refusing to prepare food.
According to AITA Redditors in the comments, @Felfeyyy’s relationship is definitely one-sided, but not the way her boyfriend sees it. @Felfeyyy is here fighting for her life. Meanwhile, her girlfriend’s bf wants to fight her about cooking for him.
“NTA,” wrote one. “Miss, run away. You have cancerand all he can think about is himself.
“Fellow cancer survivor married an amazing man. Husband in treatment was so amazing. I can’t believe this guy is so stupid,” another commenter opined. — Believe them when they tell you who they are”
Many Redditors also highlighted that her BF’s use of love language rhetoric was manipulative.
“My ex was like OP’s BF,” shared one commenter.Her words of love were acts of service, so it was my responsibility to cook for her. When I said she should be responsible for cleaning up, she insisted she didn’t make the mess. These people are simply lazy and manipulative. ”
“so many guys just say [their love language is acts of service] To get out of the housework,” someone else pointed out. “They don’t realize that if it’s really their love language, they’re using it to show love.”
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