- Kelly Benthall saw the culture of work improved over his 30-year career, but the damage had already been done.
- Last year, she decided to retire early to improve her mental, physical and emotional health.
- During her first post-retirement examination, her doctor pointed out improvements.
My plan was always to retire at age 65. It was to grind it, climb the ladder and finally enjoy freedom. But the plan changes, especially if you can’t ignore the warning that flashes your body.
Last year, at age 53, I left my husband early – not because we were meticulously planning the details, but because the cost of staying in the rat race was too high, mentally, physically and emotionally. Work has always been a source of pride, but it has also been a source of stress and sometimes a serious health impact.
For over 30 years, I helped companies navigate strategic change, from startups to giants like Shell and Chevron. Over these decades, I have been incomprehensible, absorbing pressure and having little hope for in return. Over time I internalized stress as a normal part of my success – until my body was forced to stop me.
Corporate highway lanes and their tolls
The workplace is a male-dominated industry, especially oil and gas, and has changed dramatically since the 90s and early 2000s. At the time, I was a minority as a woman, and those who reached the top endured merciless pressure. Some have become equal champions. Others believed that suffering was a ritual of passage, and expected fellow women to make it harsh.
Some female leaders respected my work, while others viewed it as a threat.
During my orientation in one of my first jobs, I mentioned SpeechWriting experience as CEO. He asked me to write a lecture at his sales meeting, but my female boss told him I was not interested and offered to do it myself. I later contacted the CEO to clarify, but we’ve partnered for years.
And then there was the #MeToo moment. One boss thought it was appropriate to share his gratitude for Playboy’s centerfold during the meeting.
Culture has changed over time as businesses implemented stronger policies and accountability measures. By the time we reached the last year of corporate life, the culture had improved. But the damage had already been done.
Working in high alert mode, even in a safer environment, I was conditioned to expect the worst.
The moment my body fought back
Despite the disappointment, I stepped into the gas. I worked harder than ever, but I believed that if I was doing 90 hours of weeks, sometimes I could outweigh the stress if I was smart enough and fast enough.
I was wrong.
One day, I collapsed at work. My blood pressure skyrocketed to 220/180 and became an ambulance. EMT gave me nitroglycerin, but nothing happened. Before I could tell the driver to move faster, I heard one of them say “Hmmm.”
That must have been my wake-up call. Instead, I doubled – circulating the medicine in desperate attempts to continue.
It wasn’t sustainable.
Change Coach that could not be changed
I spent my career coaching others to embrace change.
When it was a problem for others, countless advice to others seemed easy. “As I say, it’s not the same as I do,” I thought. Still, I found myself not taking my lessons to heart because I suffered from burnout and my health had deteriorated. I have built my career around helping people, but I was afraid to make the same leap.
Until I spoke to the coach – free consultation, something I almost cancelled because I “didn’t have time” – I saw my life from a different perspective.
She asked me one simple question: “When was the last time you scared you?”
This question caught me off guard. I have been active in a world of controlled risk for many years, where I calculated all the movements and mitigated every obstacle. But fear? The kind that comes from stepping into the unknown to boldly disrupt the status quo? It’s been a long time since I felt that.
That moment unleashed something inside me. I remembered who I was – the one who took the chance. I once thrived on new challenges and stepped into high stakes projects where failure is not an option, leading the team through uncertainty. But for many years I was trapped in a cycle of stress and obligation, and mistaken durability for achieving it.
“Sometimes you have to break down to break,” my head whispered. That was the moment I decided to retire.
Retirement cured me
When I finally left my career, I didn’t fully grasp the sacrifice it took to my body. But retirement didn’t just heal me – it gave me a new way of life. My husband and I embraced the freedom to explore at our own pace, our deadlines, our commute for a long walk in our new city, a quiet morning with coffee, and our own pace.
It wasn’t until my first retirement exam that I saw the difference. My blood pressure has dropped and my stress markers have decreased.
My doctor looked at my statistics and then went back to me and said, “Your job was trying to kill you.”
Escape the hustle trap
Resignation didn’t just save my health. Finally, I took off the highway and felt like I realized I was speeding towards the crash. It rewired my brain. What I once called “Drive” was a never-ending sprint towards fatigue.
The work environment has improved in several ways, but the effects of years of stress don’t go away just one night. People like me have become accustomed to overwork and constant pressure, but have a hard time realizing what a healthy pace actually looks like.
If you feel trapped in a stressful career, ask yourself. When was the last time you scared you? What do you really work for? At what point is it sufficient? How long can your body maintain this stress? And most importantly, what is stopping you from making change?
I wish I had asked myself these questions earlier. But the good news is that not everyone has to wait until they force their bodies to stop.
Are there any stories to share about retirement? Please contact the editor akarplus@businessinsider.com.
