A 200-page transcript from a therapy session of a precarious millennial woman doesn’t sound like particularly engaging reading. Who wants to hear such an extravagant and cranky confession? Yet Baek Se-hee’s I Want to Die But I Want Tteok-bokki is a surprisingly compelling and genuinely helpful mental health memoir.
Baek began seeing a psychiatrist for treatment of dysthymia in her 20s while working for a South Korean publishing company. Worse than major depression. In 2018, Baek published a book documenting her 12-week sessions. “I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki” became a bestseller in South Korea and was named one of BTS’s rapper RM’s recommended books, with a sequel book coming out in 2019. It was published in English this year. Bloomsbury Publishing, translated by Anton Herr.
The text is an almost completely uninterrupted dialogue between Baek and her psychiatrist, with occasional parentheses and brief reflections closing chapters. Baek comes across as a sharp, sensitive, hard-working, and empathetic narrator. At the same time, she may be improbable — desperate for her approval, prone to lying, and incredibly critical of others, which means she comes across as fully human.
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