Dear Eric: My brother-in-law “Paul” is scheduled to undergo major surgery in the next month or so. My husband and I plan on flying to see him until he recovers. I don’t mind going to visit Paul in the hospital, but I get very nervous when I’m invited as a guest to someone else’s home. I know he would be disappointed if he found out we were going to stay at a nearby resort instead.
Paul also has indoor pets, but I don’t like being around animals. If the topic of us being with him comes up, how do I explain it without seeming heartless? My husband and I both think very highly of Paul and don’t want to hurt his feelings. .
– Guest in distress
Dear Guest: Although Paul welcomes houseguests, hosting a guest following a major surgery may not be an ideal situation. So unless you’re providing post-op care, you can use that as an excuse. Even if you’re a caregiver, “we don’t want to be at your feet. We want to protect your privacy so we have space to recharge so we can be fully present.” It’s okay to say, “It’s helpful.”
It’s perfectly fine to say to someone, “Your house is lovely, isn’t it?” I feel very welcome. But I feel more comfortable in a place where there are no animals. ”I’m not being heartless. It’s healthy communication about your needs. Good hosting also means good listening.
(Please direct questions to R. Eric Thomas. [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram Sign up for our weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com. )
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
