Social anxiety is a fairly common experience. An estimated 12.1% of U.S. adults experience this disorder at some point in their lives.
After the teenage girl refused to order food for herself due to social anxiety, her father persisted and insisted that she order for herself. When she was unable to order for herself, her father refused to order for her and the two left the restaurant without eating any food.
The father asked the Reddit user if he was wrong to refuse to order food for his daughter and “leave her hungry.”
In his postThe father explained that his daughter is 15 years old and suffers from social anxiety. She is receiving counseling but has not been given medication, as the father said she does not need it.
The girl’s counselor had recently advised her to start taking on low-stakes tasks on her own, like ordering food, to deal with her social anxiety, so when her father was out running errands with his daughter and she asked to stop at Wendy’s, he thought it was the perfect opportunity for her to do just that.
Because eating in cars is prohibited, the father parked his car in a Wendy’s parking lot and told his daughter to go inside to order while he sat at a table.
“A few minutes later, my daughter returned and said she couldn’t order,” the father wrote. “She didn’t want to talk to the cashier at the entrance. I told her we should place our order and then leave. She asked me to place the order, but I refused.”
“I read the script with her at the table, and she didn’t do it,” he added. “I told her it was time to go, and we sat there for about 10 minutes.”
Rather than feeding his daughter’s insecurity, the father stood his ground and gave her the opportunity to overcome her fears. When she refused, the father used the experience as a lesson.
The girl and her mother were angry at her father, claiming that he had “starved” the girl.
While many parents would struggle to resist the urge to help their kids order food, this dad was right to let the teenager take on this battle alone. The bottom line is that kids need to learn to tolerate uncomfortable situations, and dads aren’t always going to step in.
Although she may feel anger toward her father for refusing to help her in that frightening moment, she will never forget this experience and it may give her the strength to overcome this fear next time.
Reddit users sympathized with the girl, saying social anxiety can be a difficult experience and that she was brave enough to at least try to step out of her comfort zone, but agreed with her father’s persistence in encouraging her to order it herself.
“I’ve seen the results of parents ‘helping’ a child who has anxiety and no motivation to improve. It’s like a 35 year old adult who can’t even do her own grocery shopping,” one person commented on the post. “She’s at an age where she needs to learn to do things on her own, and ordering fast food is something she can’t do unless she does it herself.” [do] If you don’t do it yourself, it’ll never get done.”
“I would recommend taking your girlfriend with you next time,” suggested another, along with many others. “She has to order for herself, but you can be next to her as a support role. I have social anxiety (autism) and I also had a hard time ordering food.”
People with social anxiety should actively try to desensitize themselves to experiences that cause anxiety.
This teen is lucky to have parents who take her anxiety seriously. Often times, parents either encourage their child’s anxiety or don’t believe their child has anxiety at all. Either scenario makes it much more difficult for the child to overcome their fears.
The little girl may not have been able to order on her own this time, but failure is one of our greatest teachers, and her efforts were a stepping stone in the right direction.
Perhaps her dad could learn to be more patient and take small steps with her, even if it means having to stand beside her when she orders food.
As long as her parents continue to support and encourage her, she will grow up with the confidence and ability to manage her anxiety and not let it consume her.
But the girl’s parents won’t always be there to help with basic tasks like ordering food, and she will eventually need to learn how to speak for herself.
Francesca Duarte is a writer for YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, Florida, covering lifestyle, human interest, adventure and spiritual topics.
