But her condition is getting worse. She currently suffers from physical illness (digestive problems, strange pains, rashes, numbness, and other body function abnormalities) and delusions. Her paranoia is severe and gets worse. Some of them are delusions of grandeur. Sometimes they have delusions about her plot against her.
The paranoia makes it hard to empathize with her and even know what’s going on with her. I can’t say it’s wrong, so I’m basically going along with the delusion. Some of them concern me. She would sometimes think I was the bad guy or that I was captured and used against her. She doesn’t feel safe when she’s with me and she gets really jumpy sometimes when I do things for her. She would scream at me and she would say she didn’t want to be with me. However, not everything concerns me. Sometimes she sees me as a helper. In clearer moments, she calms down and opens up to me, allowing me to be close. This is always followed by an unexpected explosion of something that causes her to retreat even further. For example, our recent incident was because I didn’t acknowledge that I cleaned her house within 5 minutes of her coming home and first seeing her.
Her care team cannot diagnose her. They don’t think she has her bipolar disorder. They don’t think she has schizophrenia. They don’t know what’s going on and they’re dealing with things. I know she can’t find a good therapist and settles for what she can find for nothing.
Obviously, this is a huge burden on the whole family. She can’t make plans because she doesn’t know what state she’ll be in at any given time. She has no idea how to approach her or what triggers her fights and episodes. Sometimes she ends up starting a fight just by being careful around her. Because I’m not real to her.
I don’t want to leave her. I believe in “in sickness and in health” and I know that she is really sick right now. If she was undergoing cancer treatment or had dementia or Alzheimer’s, I wouldn’t walk there. I have a therapist who is helping me, but things are getting worse. To summarize my long and depressing letter, I am asking you what I can do for you. Should I go through the difficult process of separating my children and leaving home? Do I continue to “take care of myself as best I can” and go out every day? At the end of the day, we love each other and we know it. This is mixed with moments where she is very sweet and caring.
Sorry for the long post
A. This letter is much more than my “”.This column is for community engagement and entertainment purposesPay grade I called maclean hospital Immediately after reading.
I ended up talking Kirsten W. Boltonprogram director appleton, a residential treatment program for people with mental disorders. (For those who don’t know, McLean Hospital is a psychiatric hospital near Boston.)
Before I get into what Ms. Bolton told me, know that her thoughts are as follows. general thing. She cannot diagnose people or be specific about the incident by listening to the stories of the letters posted in her consultation column.
She had some ideas. 1. She said that in cases like this, please get a second opinion. If you need help with that (finding or funding treatment), she can talk in more detail via email, but she said: “Some clinicians are poorly trained in treating and identifying mental illness.… [It’s] It’s very important to get someone really knowledgeable — [who] I know about them. ” It doesn’t seem like the team we have now.
2. She said she would take it. very good note About everything that happens at home. Record all thoughts and changes. You will be doing this for you, your children, and the medical professionals who want to help. and your wife. The more specific you can be, the easier it will be to receive appropriate support.
3. You can call your wife’s care team and give them the information. Bolton explained that there’s nothing wrong with letting them know when she says something that concerns, upsets, or threatens them…because they don’t need information. This is because it is necessary to understand the
If you feel you are in an emergency situation, Treat it like thatshe said. surrounded. Bolton mentioned 911, but she also said: 988 Designed to help people in crisis. By the way, this relates to her point about taking notes because you’ll need a record when help comes. Bolton said of taking her loved one to the ER “with this document in hand, some sort of well-drawn history to tell them, ‘This is what’s going on.'” Told. I really think her wife needs help. ”
I asked how spouses should talk about this when they can’t trust the people around them. She gave an example of how to frame a conversation around her loved one. “We need our children to be safe. And I hope you agree that our children need to be safe and that we need to build healthy, happy families.” And that’s not happening now, right? I’m afraid that whatever happens will get in the way. How can we work together and ask for help to improve this situation?
People also asked what they could do. read for help. Mr. Bolton recommended the following books:I’m not sick, I don’t need help!: How to help someone get treatment” written by Xavier Amador. Bolton said there are ways in the book designed to help loved ones communicate about all of this.
I I want to add — and no Expertise — that caregiving is complex. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and concerned about your safety, plan your next steps. Let others know that you need support. Talk to your therapist about what this might look like.
When it comes to staying or leaving, it seems like you need to get the right support first. I think this will make it easier for you to make a decision that makes sense.
meredith
Reader reaction:
I don’t know who her treatment team consists of or why they can’t diagnose her, but I think I’m going to treat this as a medical issue and start seeing a doctor instead of a therapist.Ash
It’s great that you’re not “breaking up with her,” but know that there’s a difference between dumping her and “staying in the marriage.” JSMUS
The only thing I would like to add is that although we have vowed to be together in sickness and in health…you are all entitled to peace and happiness. He also adds that mental illness can completely change a person’s personality, and when you take vows, you are agreeing to marry that person. If the two of you become completely different, that person is no longer the person you promised to marry.my bones are broken
Send your own relationship and dating questions to [email protected] or Please fill out this form. Listen to new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast here: love letter.show Or wherever you listen to podcasts. Columns and comments have been edited and reproduced below. boston.com/loveletters.
