Dear Amy: For the past 10 years, my husband, adult son, and I have hosted Thanksgiving dinners.
My parents are divorced, and in recent years I’ve invited my brother-in-law and his family, which can add up to 14 people to the banquet.
We love them and want our kids to have good holiday memories. The problem is that some of them don’t RSVP until just before or on Thanksgiving Day (and when they do, the answer is always “no”) – Us After preparing food for them all. At the last event I was invited to (my son’s birthday), the people who weren’t attending Thanksgiving didn’t even bother to RSVP.
We’re not even thinking about inviting them this year because A) they’ll never come and B) they’ll say “no” at the last minute and stress us out.
Also, since both of our families don’t come to our events, they don’t invite us to their events, so I don’t think either of us wants to get closer.
Should I keep inviting them, or should I just suggest they’re not really interested?
– Tired of guessing, stress and waste
Good job: I think you should invite these families this year, but as always, assume you won’t be accepted.
I’ll reach out to you the week before Thanksgiving to follow up and say: I would love to meet with you, so if you are available, please let me know today. ”
If by some unlikely Thanksgiving miracle they accept your invitation this year, ask that family member to serve one of their favorite dishes for your feast. This may give them greater involvement in the outcome.
If they don’t show up after this year, understand that your brothers-in-law are not interested in sharing celebratory events with you, and reduce the amount of invitations and hospitality.
Your step-siblings may feel obligated to spend Thanksgiving with their “other” parents or step-parents, given that you are now relatives through divorce, but that doesn’t mean they should let you know. Their rudeness will not be tolerated.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or Facebook. )
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