Friendship Boundaries, Declining Unpleasant Activities, and Wedding Donation Dilemmas

Dear Amy:

My friend ‘Annie’ and I are both in our mid twenties and love musicals. We decided to travel to New York in October to see some shows.

The tickets were quite expensive, so I planned to save money by staying at a friend’s house in the city. I thought my friend would probably make room for Annie too.

After agreeing on dates and shows, Annie sent me a screenshot of the ticket order confirmation. It included a message saying that she had invited her husband and that she hoped she would be okay.

I was annoyed. This was the first time in our plans that she mentioned her husband was coming. The way she did it really got me hooked.

Her husband and I are friends and the last few times he has been on our show and has fallen asleep and snores.

If she had brought up the subject sooner, I would have pushed back.

I have two questions here. First, my friend can’t accommodate her 3 more people in a small apartment.

Is it okay if we leave it to Annie and her husband to find the hotel ourselves?

I like her husband, but how do I express that I don’t always want him on every trip? And does she have to ask very early in the planning process if she wants to take him?

– Broadway Blues

Dear Broadway:

Younger couples may feel the need to do everything together (experienced couples have more freedom with each other). And I have a theory that “Annie”‘s husband may have just driven in while perusing the online theater seating chart for her ticket.

But even though Annie felt cornered, she absolutely should have ignored this change before committing.

You wonder if a friend’s choice turned a fun-filled Broadway weekend for two into a production of Sartre’s famous threesome No Exit (“Hell is Stranger…”). I am concerned, but I hope you will take this as a valuable lesson. Always communicate and be clear. (Believe me, this lesson is worth a Broadway ticket.)

Tell her this right now. I thought this was a weekend for two. I like your husband, but I feel like a tricycle right now. I wish you had discussed this with me beforehand. Also, unfortunately my friend can’t invite her three more people, so could you please find a place for us two to stay?”

After telling her this, try to have a good time in New York. If you lose to this frustration, it will be a really wasted weekend.

Dear Amy:

Should I turn down the chance to see my friends and family if I attend an event that makes me uncomfortable?

My friends love watching painfully awful movies and discussing the plot and direction in excruciating detail.

And my family is upset that I don’t want to attend sporting events that my eyesight, deafness, and overall lack of interest stop me from enjoying them.

I just want to enjoy the company of them without the distraction of a terrifying background that I don’t have in the wheelhouse, but when I decline or suggest a quieter alternative, they get disappointed. indicate.

I’ve tried my best, but ironically I can’t even attend.

– Unironic, Illinois

Dear Unironic:

It’s a shame we can’t attend these cinematic events, even if it’s ironic. Because your sense of sarcasm (or your sense of humor) can be very helpful when listening to other people’s opinions about particularly terrible movies.

Also wondering if these friends would be interested in watching your movie of choice.

All in all, if for some reason you don’t want to attend the gathering, don’t. The best strategy is to learn to tolerate the disappointment of others if you choose not to attend uncomfortable gatherings.

Your friends and family are trying to invite you, but you should thank them for inviting them, even if you decline.