Many times I began to remember a holiday I had with my boyfriend, a movie I saw, or a trip I took, only to find that he remembered very little of the event.
I could remember what I wore, what I talked about, where I went, and even what I ate, but everything was a blur to him. And these were very intelligent and kind men. It is by no means an unexploded ordnance.
I enjoy this property: I remember. But I have to admit, there are things I’d rather forget.
I continue to be haunted by things I did or said years ago, but many men seem to live here now. A major part of the memory system, packed with receptors for estrogen, primarily the female sex hormone.
So it’s not unheard of that women are more memorable than men. After all, we can hold grudges. And we are not alone.
I know a female chimpanzee who has held a grudge for over 20 years. was captured and slaughtered. The veteran mother rescued her weeping offspring and was a lifelong enemy to thieves.
Like female chimpanzees, ancestral females struggled for years to raise helpless offspring, so they had to remember much smaller transgressions.
But why do men forget? Testosterone may play a role.
Transgender individuals increasingly report starting to live in the here and now after taking testosterone injections for three months during the gender confirmation process. They don’t remember much of their past. high testosterone men It also seems to focus on the here and now.
And just like women’s sharp memory for crimes of all kinds, men’s lack of memory for transgressions is adaptive.
For millions of years, men have had to put aside their differences and hunt together. Surely they remembered a serious betrayal (as modern man does). But in order to do their job, it was better to ignore or forget petty arguments.
These ancestral differences can also have business implications. After a hot fight at work, the men all go out for beer and the women go home alone, often remaining hostile or wary for days or weeks.
The next time he can’t remember the details of a great vacation with you, remind him. And you can delight him with juicy bites of these precious times.
Dr. Helen Fishera biological anthropologist and senior fellow at the Kinsey Institute, is the chief scientific adviser to the dating site Match. The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Get Lost, among other titles.
