S.o You are out to dinner with your partner and you can’t help but look between your partner’s plate and yours. Are you eating more than them? “Too much?” Are they judging you for choosing options with more calories? If you’ve ever had this experience, you’re not alone. Knowing a few tips to ease the discomfort of eating more than the person you’re dining with can help you in the moment.
Many people struggle with comparisons and discomfort when it comes to food, thanks to things like food culture and social expectations around gender. found encouraging. Is it okay to eat the same meal as my partner?, than your partnerand how much do you want(In short, it’s not as heavy as it feels.)
But while this situation can still cause anxiety, it’s completely understandable. Even if you allow yourself to eat as much as you want, you may still be dealing with mental limitations that can damage your relationship with food. So how can we win? Below, experts explain the normalities and reasons behind your anxiety, and what you can do to help you worry less about food and enjoy more of your meals.
Why Eating Too Much Makes You Feel Sick
You may be reluctant (or unwilling) to eat more than your partner for a variety of reasons. “People who struggle with body image, disrupted/unhealthy eating patterns, and/or who are clinically diagnosed with an eating disorder find themselves comparing their body shape and weight to others. I often notice it. Stephanie CarlyleLicensed Clinical Professional Counselor Thriveworks, Baltimore, Marylandwhich specializes in eating disorders, women’s issues, relationships, and stress.
If you haven’t addressed this, another factor may come into play: social expectations and stereotypes. “This also exists outside of gender dualism: small is associated with femininity and big is associated with masculinity,” he says. Christine Byrne, MPH, RD, a Raleigh-based registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. “We associate food intake so closely with body size that while body size is much more important than what and how much you eat, women and women need more than their male partners. It is expected that there will be less food for
This kind of indoctrination starts early. Carlyle says it could be more discreet, like dad being served a larger portion than mom at dinner. It may be more direct, such as when a boy eats a lot and praises him, saying, “It makes me bigger and stronger.”
It is also important to note that women who date women are not immune to this either. I’m often taught that,” says Carlyle. “We’re socialized that this is ‘feminine’ or ‘appropriate’ or ‘right’. As a result, women can inadvertently provoke each other’s disorganized behavior by eating little, eating more, or feeling judged to eat “a lot”.
Overall, diet culture and its many ideals are simply (and unfortunately) hard to avoid. Byrne adds: “Of course it’s silly, because we all need food.”
5 tips to ease the discomfort of overeating
Many of the messages floating around can complicate your ability to intuitively eat with your partner (or anyone for that matter), but mindfulness and reminders of important truths can help you eat. Here’s Carlyle and Byrne’s suggestion:
1. Ask yourself if the idea helps
…Otherwise, it would be useless.basically ask yourself why You have an idea, and if “should” is involved. “When we ‘should’ to ourselves, it’s a good indicator that we need to take some time to examine how the idea is serving us,” says Carlyle. “For example, on a first date, if you think, ‘Wow, that hamburger looks delicious, I don’t,’ should do it Perhaps get a salad instead. Asking yourself the “why” behind this is a very healthy thing to do. If your “why” has to do with dates judging you, go to Tip 2. If you do, you deserve better! I’m just saying!
2. Remind yourself that what you eat has nothing to do with your worth
I can understand that many of us confuse self-esteem with food intake, and this is also thanks to food culture. “How much you eat has absolutely nothing to do with your identity, your worth as a person, or the strength and quality of your relationship,” Byrne says. You don’t have to feel bad about eating more than your partner, she adds.
3. Focus on the experience (and remember that your partner probably does too)
Dating is all about having fun and getting to know each other. Try to keep those aspects in mind. What are you learning about your partner? what do you enjoy Carlisle says your partner is likely focused on that, too.
4. Consider Talking to a Therapist or Anti-Diet Nutritionist
While there are many things you can do on your own, working with a healthcare provider often provides additional support. “If you struggle with this type of thinking, connecting with a mental health professional to work on developing healthier thoughts, feelings, and behaviors may help,” says Carlyle. For therapists, you can check out Open Path Collective database.
5. Remember that each body has different needs
Ultimately, your best bet in real time is to listen to your body. What does it need (and want)? “Everyone has a different metabolism, activity level, hormone levels, health status, appetite,” says Byrne. “If you’re trying to give your body what it needs and feel comfortably full after eating, the best way to measure how much you eat is by external cues, such as how much others are eating.” Instead, listen to your internal hunger and satiety cues.”
Carlyle agrees. “It’s important to remember that we are likely to have very different bodies from each other, even if we were eating the exact same thing all the time,” she says. You can’t determine what nutrients your body needs based on what a person eats.”
