Newly renewed with Joe’s cup Career Columnwe ask people to share the lessons they have learned in their work, big and small.
Grief therapist Natalie Greenberg He runs his own practice in Manhattan and works with students at the NYU Counseling Center. She tells people that they don’t realize about grief and how strangers react to her work at dinner parties…
When was your first attraction to treatment?
When I was a child, my dad was an addict and our family attended. Al Anona support group for addicts’ families and friends. He’s now calm for 17 years, but I always knew that treatment is a resource for people during difficult times.
Did you always know that you’re going to be a therapist?
Not at all. After graduating from university with a degree in communications, I nan for my family, so it took me a year to figure out what I wanted to do next. During my free time I called my friend’s parents, interviewed them about their work and asked them, “What was your degree?” How did you decide to do this? What are the pros and cons of your career? “And that’s how I learned about social work, and how I have a career path that is similar to psychology, but has a more social justice lens.
How did you choose to specialize in sadness?
At 22, I lost my mother to commit suicide. I didn’t know how to deal with her death and I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to talk to family and friends about it. Especially because suicide felt like a terrifying taboo subject. So when it came to choosing a therapy specialist, I sat down and said, “What do you think I’m particularly equipped to help?” Sadness quickly came to me.
How will strangers at the party respond when you hear that you are a sad therapist?
It’s an interesting litmus test! People ask millions of questions or change subjects immediately. People also say, “You’re going to psychoanalyze me!” And of course it seeps into me to look for patterns. But at the same time, psychoanalysis is workand I don’t want to work at a party.
What was the most challenging job you had?
I worked in the psychiatry at Bellevue, the busiest psychiatric hospital in the country. At first, the idea of working there was a fear of me, but I learned a lot. For my two months, Hurricane Sandy has flooded the hospital and saw firsthand how the hospital operates during a natural disaster. He also learned how to work in a violent environment while some patients are drunk or mentally ill and hurt staff. Going for treatment while I was working was key to my own mental health.
My mother lost at the age of 22. What advice would you give to sad young people?
I was very isolated as I lost my mother. None of my friends had experienced the same thing. They didn’t know how to show up and I didn’t know how to communicate my needs. I attended a sadness group that was eventually called Dinner PartyAn organization that holds dinners for young people who have lost their family and friends. It was great to be able to talk to people of my age about the process of grieving without stigma. I’m obsessed with organizations and I refer them to many clients.
Tell us about the work moments you always remember.
During the session, the patient was explaining the loss and I started crying. After that I became very anxious and wondered if I had acted professionally. My clinical supervisor said, “You’re a therapist, but you’re human, and you’re really sad to be reacting to something sad. Can someone else want more than being a human?” That moment. changed my mind about how therapists show up for patients and should validate them. In the early years of psychoanalysis, therapists were primarily men who acted like blank slates. There are still some of these types of therapists, but it’s not who I am, it’s the kind of therapist I want to be.
What is your top advice for anyone interested in becoming a therapist?
Although they are good at treatment, they also need to learn how to run small and medium-sized businesses. You need to organize. You need an accountant and a lawyer. You need to know how to hustle.
How can you show up for friends who are grieving their loved ones?
The sadness remains and can appear on random days. So, check in your friends in a few weeks, months, or even years later. For friends and family, I will put the anniversary of the death of their loved ones in my calendar, so don’t forget to reach out. Also, besides “I’m sorry for your loss,” you can feel empty, so you come up with your own proverbs. It may be hard to find the right words, but trying to say something a little more authentic, as you admit that you remember about that person or don’t know what you should say It may be difficult, but you’re here for them.
How have your own grief for your mother changed over the years?
My relationship with her has healed much since she passed away. We didn’t have close relationships when I was growing up, but now we’ve experienced the stress of adult-parent-child relationships, so we can understand her life a little more. You can also see how the specific trauma she experienced has influenced her upbringing. By deepening that understanding, it will be easier to see her as someone who has taken her off the pedestal of her parents and has experienced more difficult things.
That’s beautiful.
Since her death, I have dreamed where she is with me. In those dreams, it does not feel controversial. Instead, it is always calm and soothing, and talks about unresolved issues. And when I woke up I was relieved to learn that my subconscious was not angry or criticising. It’s trying to solve things.
What advice would you give if someone’s sadness felt overwhelming?
I like to help my client come up with meaningful rituals to commemorate this person. When it’s my mother’s birthday or death anniversary, I buy the Le Petité Colier Chocolate Biscuit cookie she loved, light a Yahrzeit candle and listen to a Fleetwood Mac. The ritual does not have to be formal. It’s about honoring those you’ve lost.
Thank you very much, Natalie. Would you like to see the feature?
Whatever it is to become a PS bakery, a way to navigate career changes.
(Illustration of the photo) Diana Moss. )
